


you're no good for me (but baby I want you)

by ohmyvalar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mirror Universe, Ratings will probably go up in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmyvalar/pseuds/ohmyvalar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jim Kirk dies, Leonard McCoy quits his job at Starfleet. What he doesn't expect is to be handed a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [but not as we know it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/865143) by [spikeface](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikeface/pseuds/spikeface). 



> Un beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.

When Jim Kirk died, Leonard McCoy's life was plunged into darkness once again. He'd hoped, oh, how he had hoped, that Jim had saved him once and for all from the relentless dark pools of despair that he had sunk into when Jocelyn had left him. 

But it had happened. Jim Kirk's life had been snuffed out like a used candle, no longer bright and full of life. Billions of life forms in the galaxy; and it had to be Leonard's brilliant, gold-hearted, beautiful captain. Just a simple accident and he was gone forever, just another unfortunate soul scattered into the horrifically empty and silent voids of space.   
Just like Leonard had said when they'd first met on that shuttle headed to nowhere. Funny, Leonard had never considered himself a clairvoyant, but now he wished he had never said it, never even thought of it. 

Maybe he'd even change the entire thing, if he could change anything at all. Maybe he'd make their paths never cross. Maybe he could live with knowing Jim only as Captain Kirk, just another golden Starfleet poster boy with a flirty personality. Oh, he'd do it, even if that meant not having any memories of Jim. 

After all, if he never had any feelings at all, he couldn't hurt, could he?   
Leonard sometimes thought that it was ironic. Jim would never have guessed that Leonard would be the one waxing poetic. Jim had always been the more flamboyant one, the one with the all-eclipsing personality. And Leonard had loved every last bit. 

Ten days after Jim died, once the Enterprise docked on a foreign planet, Leonard resigned from his post as Chief Medical Officer on the Federation's flagship. The news would no doubt spread with many people marveling and shocked by it; Leonard didn't care. The wide, never ending folds of the galaxy meant nothing to Leonard without his captain beside him.   
Leonard's acrophobia had long since faded in his years on the Enterprise, but space had never enthralled and attracted him as it had Jim. Without Jim, Leonard no longer saw any point in continuing his post as an officer of Starfleet. 

God, he couldn't even continue to work for Starfleet anymore. He couldn't quite blame Starfleet for everything that had lead to Jim's death- it had been much more complicated than that-but he couldn't stand working there, even if it were a planetside job, knowing he'd see or even have to treat passing officers. 

He couldn't. 

Thirty days after Jim's death, Leonard has spiraled into a self-destructive sequence, and his days are filled with bourbon or any other handy liquor. Anything to dull the pain, take it away, if only for a while. 

Leonard was a doctor; a brilliant one, some even said, and he knew denial when he saw it. But knowing it in theory was different from actually applying it to yourself, and Leonard cursed himself for being a hypocrite. 

Wandering the streets and alleyways alone and only half-sober was dangerous, but it was one of the few ways Leonard could see Jim again. The other alternative was drugs, and even at his worst, Leonard had never gone that low before. He had seen how lethal those substances were.

Leonard saw Jim everywhere now; just bits and pieces, a pair of blue eyes here, golden hair there, the same type of smile on a foreign face... It all blurred together. Leonard might never see the whole ensemble together again, would never be able to touch and see Jim smile, but for now at least, little bits of the whole were enough. 

Forty days. The doctor part of Leonard came back, and he tried his best to limit the amount of liquor he drank each day, but his hands shook whenever he tried to hold anything.   
Fifty days... 

........

Leonard groaned as he regained consciousness. His eyelids felt as if they were crusted together, and Leonard wanted to raise his hands to rub them, but his hands refused to obey, jerking upwards as if restrained by something. 

A bolt of alarm made its way into Leonard's fuzzy mind. Blinking rapidly, he finally managed to open his eyes, and even the dim lighting made him wince. 

When Leonard's eyes were finally accustomed to the lighting, he saw that he was in a small, dusty room. A look downwards confirmed his suspicions; his limbs were being restrained, tied firmly to a chair. From how stiff his limbs felt, they'd been that way for a while, probably since... Leonard winced. He was pretty sure it was sometime in the morning, but the details of the night before were fuzzy at best in his mind. 

Leonard's wandering in the more dubious streets had decreased, but once in a while, he still had the urge to roam the streets, to get drunk enough to see Jim in everyone he passed. It was dangerous, as Leonard had always known, but he thought that it was bitter irony for something to happen to him now rather than before, when he had roamed the streets almost nightly. 

He chuckled darkly, testing the knots. They held firm, tight enough to hurt if Leonard strained against them. He exhaled, leaning back into the seat. He knew that he should have felt panicked and afraid, but he was just hungover enough not to care. 

He waited in the semi-darkness, not knowing for what, head thrown back, eyes closed. Time passed, but Leonard had no idea how long it had been until he heard a crashing sound somewhere close. The sound was muffled, and Leonard guessed that it had come from a room beyond the one he was trapped in. 

Leonard's brain made a weak effort to process the sound. The crash had sounded like furniture being thrown around- or maybe it could have been some heavy weight being dropped on the floor. The sound had been too muffled. 

At any rate, Leonard guessed that it was his kidnapper returning to deal with him. The sound of footsteps nearing him reached Leonard's ears. A lock clicked, and a beam of light shone through the doorway, enough to illuminate the man's profile but not enough to reveal his features. 

The man was tall but with a rather slender build, but Leonard couldn't make out much more than that. He was almost sure that he was unarmed. Leonard let the thought slip out of his mind. It wasn't as if he could overpower anyone, tied to the chair as he was. Maybe if he could lure the man closer, however...

Leonard braced himself when he saw the man step closer. But the man made no remark, only reaching out to press something on the wall. 

Leonard reacted instinctively to the sudden bright light, shutting his eyes tightly, but it was too late. The flash of white made Leonard wince and his head started to throb. He heard a scoff, and in his distracted mind, even that unpleasant sound sounded familiar, like it had come from Jim's mouth. 

Defiantly, he forced his eyes open, determined to dispel the sick illusion his mind had conjured. The moment he opened them, breath left his lungs. 

The bright light hit Leonard's eyes again, but this time Leonard didn't care. The light threw the man's features into sharp relief. That unruly mob of golden hair, that pair of cerulean blue eyes, those red lips and their smile... Oh god oh god oh god- 

Leonard couldn't breath. No, no, it was impossible, but yet there he was, Jim Kirk, in all his glory, alive and well, standing over Leonard. That face that Leonard couldn't let go of, had itched to see and touch again, was right in front of him now. 

Oh god, Leonard wanted to touch him, needed to feel him, needed to feel his warmth pressed against his own cold body. But at the same time, Leonard didn't want to move, because he was sure that the illusion would shatter if he even tried. 

The internal conflict paralyzed Leonard, making him tense in his seat. His eyes ran all over Jim's face, then the length of his body, his doctor's instinct making sure that Jim was healthy and hale. 

Jim looked fine. Maybe a little thinner, but that was good enough for Leonard.   
The air was tense, electricity whizzing through the distance between them. 

"So, McCoy." 

The words were soft, but there was a underlying razor-sharp edge to the tone with which they were uttered. Leonard didn't even notice it, so absorbed was he by the sound of Jim's voice. 

It was Jim's voice, thank god, something Leonard had never thought he would ever hear again. His heart ached, and suddenly tears were blurring his eyesight. Leonard blinked them away fiercely, not wanting them to impair his view of Jim. 

Then Jim held out the knife in his hand, held it under Leonard's chin, the cold edge touching his skin. He leaned in. 

Leonard went cold, the chill spreading all the way through his tired limbs. Up close, Leonard noticed that Jim's eyes were an intense, piercing blue, the look he only ever directed when facing a particular threat. Leonard didn't understand it. 

There was blood splattered down the front of Jim's shirt, and while Leonard knew instinctively that it wasn't Jim's own, it only contributed to the cold feeling growing in his heart. Something was wrong. 

The illusion had shattered, and for the first time, Leonard took Jim in. Jim's face was a mask; cold contemplation mixed with a drop of confusion. His eyes were piercing, searching Leonard's face for something. The knife was sharp, and Leonard shuddered under the knowledge of what it could do.

Then Jim's expression softened, and Leonard's treacherous heart returned to its aching, ignoring the clear signs that something was very wrong. The knife was removed, slipped back into some hidden compartment in Jim's jeans. 

Leonard almost flinched at the sudden touch of Jim's hand against his cheek. Jim's hand felt warm, and familiar, and Leonard leaned into it without thinking. 

Abruptly, the hand moved away. Leonard opened his eyes, and Jim was cutting through the ropes binding him with his sharp knife. The silver edge caressed his skin, sending goosebumps across his skin. Leonard tried to meet Jim's gaze, to look into those blue eyes and understand what was going on, but the man avoided it. 

The last tendrils of rope dropped to the ground. Leonard rubbed at his chaffed wrists, still unable to look away from Jim. Now that he was free, and he knew that this wasn't an illusion, he wanted to just forget everything else and rush over to touch Jim. But the blood on Jim's shirt, the sharp and deadly knife in his hand and the way he pointedly ignored Leonard's attempts at eye contact made him stop. 

Leonard didn't understand what was going on, but there was something wrong. The Jim in front of him was different from the Jim he had known, in more ways than one. "What's going on, Jim?" He rasped, finding his voice more hoarse than he had expected. 

Jim looked up, his face a guarded mask. Only his eyes betrayed any emotion, and Leonard only identified it as wariness because of all the years he had spent by Jim's side. Jim made no sign of responding, staring hard at Leonard as if he were a puzzle, and the look made Leonard ache and feel hollow all at once. 

What had happened? Jim would never look at him like that, like an object to be classified and accessed. Finally, Jim scoffed lightly and looked off to the side, caressing the knife's blade softly with a thumb. "That what you called the other me?" 

Leonard's fuddled mind took a moment to register that. "What do you mean, the other you?" He asked slowly. 

Jim gave him a look meant to be admonishing, but all Leonard could see was the contours of his face, and how it was all Jim. 

And yet there was something there, beyond the lines of his face, that was different. The features of his face were all the same, but the expressions it made... They were different, though Leonard couldn't pinpoint why. As if there was another brain, another mind controlling that face. 

The answer came to Leonard like a blow to his stomach. "Shit," He said, "You're the Jim from the mirror universe, aren't you?" 

Not Jim raised an eyebrow, and the gesture was so familiar that Leonard had to close his eyes to remind himself that it wasn't Jim. "Guess you're not an idiot here after all, McCoy."   
Leonard let out a breath. The mirror universe was a theory that Spock had shared with the bridge crew while on shore leave. Spock would never have allowed a theory so largely unsupported with evidence to leave his lips any other way. 

Spock had explained that there was a possibility that there was a parallel universe somewhere out in the galaxy, and that there was an exact replica there for every living being in their universe. It had been a rather shady theory, and it had slipped Leonard's mind soon after. 

But Not Jim's words had reminded Leonard of Spock's words. So Spock's theory had been sound. Why not? The Vulcan, even though Leonard was loathe to admit it sometimes, was a genius in the science field. And... It allowed for another Jim to exist, even though he probably had another Leonard in his mirror universe. 

It was fine. Leonard had never dared to dream that he would ever see Jim Kirk in front of him again, much less hear his voice and touch him. 

Leonard looked at Not Jim again, and smiled. It was a broken smile, he knew, and taking in every line of Jim's face, Leonard couldn't find it in him to say anything, even though he had thousands of things to say. 

Not Jim's reaction was completely unexpected. He clenched his jaw into a hard line, and before Leonard could open his mouth to apologize, say something, anything, Not Jim was leaning in and- 

The mouth around his own was real, warm, and familiar. Leonard could taste the things he had always tasted on his own Jim's mouth- Oh god. Before Leonard could control himself, he was kissing back, desperately, like a drowning man clutching on to a log. Oh god, he'd missed this so much, needed this for so long, and Jim was here now, warm and real and perfect- 

Suddenly, Jim was pulling back abruptly, their lips making an obscene pop sound as they were pulled apart. Leonard couldn't stop the absolutely pathetic sound that escaped from the back of his throat as Jim's warmth left him, but then Jim's hands were there, strong and firm on the side of his face and cupping his neck. 

Jim's eyes were terrifying, electric blue orbs staring deep into Leonard's soul and beyond with a frighteningly single-minded intensity. Leonard only ever saw Jim look at him that way on the occasions where he had beamed up from a mission gone dangerously wrong, and mostly only when they were alone. 

"Come back with me," He breathed, and Leonard was reminded all over again that this wasn't his Jim; because the tone was demanding and razor sharp. But at the same time, all the familiarities of his voice, his face and just Jim struck Leonard. 

Despite everything, Leonard had the strange urge to laugh. Looking up at Jim's familiar face, Leonard knew that if the man asked for the world, Leonard would promise to give it to him with every ounce of sincerity in his weary soul. 

There was no need to ponder the order at all. This was Jim, and whether it was his own or not didn't matter at the moment. All Leonard wanted, all he needed, was to be beside Jim again; to be able to see and touch and feel Jim everyday. 

"Of course I will," Leonard managed to say. His voice was wrecked, so emotional that it would have embarrassed him at any other time but this. 

A look of violent delight filtered into Jim's blue eyes, and his mouth curled in a victorious smile. The smile was foreign to Leonard; too much cunning and feral pleasure displayed on that familiar face, but Leonard couldn't keep himself from smiling back. 

After all, he was happy, wasn't he? Jim had came to him- solid, warm and real. It was more than Leonard had ever hoped for, a second chance with Jim. That Jim was different in the mirror universe was insignificant. This was all he might ever get again; and he wasn't going to give it up. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.

The transporter room was dimly lit by only a few white lights around the enclosed area. The red shirts manning their transportation had already looked down, back to their own work, as unfathomable to Leonard as their counterparts in his universe had been. The room was silent, almost eerily so, and Leonard suddenly missed Scott and his energetic self. He had the urge to ask Jim if Scott too was on the Enterprise in this universe. 

He probably was. Leonard couldn't imagine where his Jim would have been without his brilliant bridge crew, and Scott was an indispensable member of the Enterprise crew as the head of Engineering. 

Jim was standing just feet away from Leonard, but something in his posture made Leonard refrain from asking him anything just yet. Jim's stance was guarded, with an air of authority and steel. It was a demeanor Jim adopted when he felt danger. Leonard couldn't understand why Jim would feel threatened on the Enterprise, but he trusted his captain's judgement. 

Leonard followed Jim to his room. As CMO, Leonard had always had a room to himself, and it seemed that in the mirror universe, it was no different. Jim was silent the whole way, his form radiating a warning to the occasional crew member they passed in the corridors of the Enterprise. Leonard barely realized. He was too busy running his eyes down the corridors; he would have reached out to touch them if not for the tense atmosphere. Familiar corridors that he had never thought he would see again, and certainly not with his captain by his side. 

Leonard and Jim met no resistance on the way to Leonard's room, but they didn't receive any greetings from passing crew members either. Leonard recognized several of them both by sight and name, but no one called out to either him or Jim, as they would have done on Leonard's Enterprise. A coil of apprehension settled in Leonard's gut, and the nagging feeling that something was amiss returned. Leonard did his best to suppress the anxiety. 

Finally, they turned a particularly familiar corridor and stopped in front of Leonard's door. Jim gave Leonard a curious look before punching in the code, using more strength than necessary, as if trying to prove something. 

Leonard resisted the urge to question him. He trusted Jim. 

The door slid open with a soft zing. Leonard felt a wave of nostalgia as he stepped into the familiar room. Even in the near-dark, Leonard could see that the room was just like his own on his Enterprise. It looked exactly like how Leonard had left it the day before Jim had died. 

The lights flickered on, and Leonard blinked reflexively, effectively distracting himself. Jim was standing beside the door, having relocked the door. His expression was dark, and Leonard saw something he couldn't identify in his face. 

"I'm taking the alpha shift. You have those in your universe too, don't you?" Jim asked, and Leonard nodded distractedly, still trying to decipher the unknown emotion on Jim's face. It was disturbing; he had been together with Jim since their Academy days, as friends and later lovers, and this new expression on Jim's face frightened him because Leonard had never seen it before. 

Jim nodded swiftly. "Good. Stay here until I return." He said carelessly, as if he expected Leonard to agree to the order without questioning it. Leonard opened his mouth, but shut it again. He didn't know why Jim was so offensive and dominant in this universe, but he could accept it. Even a slightly different Jim was better than Leonard had ever hoped for. 

"Oh, and McCoy?" Jim said, and Leonard snapped back to the present. Almost unconsciously, Leonard had followed Jim to the door. Without warning, Jim leaned in and pressed a hard kiss on Leonard's lips. 

Automatically, Leonard parted his lips, allowing Jim access. For a split second, Jim seemed to pause, almost as if he were uncertain. But then he was taking over, grabbing Leonard by the back of his head, hungry and possessive. Leonard couldn't have protested even if he wanted to; all he could feel and see and taste was blissfully Jim. 

The kiss was rough, with Jim using his tongue as if it were a weapon, attacking the caverns of Leonard's mouth with a single-minded intensity so familiar Leonard wanted to cry in relief. He was happy to relax under Jim's relentless assault and mold himself into Jim's hold, pressing their bodies tight together. 

The contact, the knowledge that the warm body against his was really the one he had traced countless times before, almost made Leonard choke on his emotion, overwhelmed. Oh god, he'd needed this so much. 

He felt Jim stiffen almost imperceptibly, and protested, leaning into the kiss insistently, trying to make Jim stay. 

Without warning, Leonard was slammed hard into the wall. The wall was mercifully empty of any decorations, but the stiff, hard material pressed uncomfortably against Leonard's back. Jim's hands were on Leonard's shoulders, and before Leonard could cry out in indignation they moved downwards, settling on his waist. 

Jim's mouth attached itself to Leonard's neck, sucking what Leonard was sure would be bruises later into the sensitive skin and Leonard's mind immediately concentrated on the contact, the pain of the impact forgotten in the heat of the moment. 

Leonard let his hands roam across that familiar body, mapped out the contours and plains of skin that he had never thought he would be able to touch again. Leonard McCoy had never been much of a holy man, but in that moment he thanked the gods for returning Jim to him and prayed fervently to never lose him again. 

Jim, on the other hand, wasn't wasting any energy on such sentiments. Leonard bit back a moan when the other man slid a thigh between his legs, conveniently pinning him against the wall. Practiced hands reached down to unbuckle his belt. 

The comm channel in Leonard's room suddenly buzzed to life. Spock's clear voice was transmitted into the confines of the room, the comm channel's sound system good enough for it to sound as if Spock were actually there in person. 

"Captain. The time now is 0800 and you are not yet present on the bridge for your shift." 

Leonard's brain froze, the adrenaline and heat of the moment forgotten. Spock... The hobgoblin's was another voice that Leonard had never thought he would hear again. The rush of tight emotion in his chest he suddenly felt was unexpected. 

Jim did not seem to share his feelings on the abrupt interruption. His long fingers hooked through the belt loops in Leonard's loosened jeans, bunching tightly to form fists. His face held a dark expression that scared Leonard, knowing that it was directed at his own First Officer. 

When Jim answered, his voice was quiet and dark, the barely concealed edge of sharp steel obvious in his tone. "Are you threatening your captain, Spock?" He asked slowly, deliberately letting the sentence hang in the air. He still wasn't quite letting go of Leonard. 

Spock's reply was swift and confident. "No, Captain. I merely wished to remind you of your current duties." A pause here, as if Spock was carefully measuring what to say. "I... Share your emotions regarding Doctor McCoy. I feel his loss as deeply as you do, even if... I do not know how to show it." 

What did he mean? Leonard's heart raced. Was the mirrored version of him in this universe dead? It would certainly explain why his rooms were empty, and why Jim had brought him here. Was the CMO position here still vacant? No ship could go for long without a head in its Sickbay. 

And Spock... Leonard didn't know what to feel at the Vulcan's reaction. He certainly hadn't expected what constituted an emotional declaration from him. At least the warm feeling in his heart was a welcome distraction from Jim's unfamiliar threats and expressions. 

Lost in his thoughts, Leonard almost missed Jim's reaction. Short, almost manic laughter escaped from Jim's lips, which were stretched in a wide smile. Leonard looked on in shock as Jim said, "Oh, I'm sure you do, Spock. And who was it that told you I was in McCoy's quarters?" 

By the end of the sentence, a sharp, gleaming look had entered Jim's blue eyes. Leonard didn't envy whoever would be at the receiving end of that gaze. 

"It was Lieutenant Sulu, Captain." Came Spock's calm reply. He did not seem perturbed that he had just possibly subjected the pilot to punishment. 

Leonard couldn't help wondering what relationship the Spock and Sulu in this universe shared. Leonard had assumed from Jim's reaction seeing him that everyone aboard the Enterprise in the mirror universe would share the same bonds as they had on Leonard's own, but now he doubted that assumption. The Spock in his universe would have admitted his sources just as easily, but would no doubt have added some sort of pacification following the remark. 

Jim seemed to be pondering how to deal with Sulu. His head was tilted at a slight angle, his blue eyes half-lidded, thoughtful. It was an expression Leonard saw often on his captain, but never when dealing out punishment. Jim had never taken any joy in punishing anyone, even when if was fitting punishment. Had the Sulu in this universe offended Jim in some way?

Or maybe, Leonard thought with a pang, it was just because this wasn't his Jim at all. His Jim wouldn't have done a lot of the things this Jim had done since landing on the Enterprise, and even before. 

But the Jim in the mirror universe did many things his Jim had done too. Lingering at the door, Leonard watched silently as Jim combed his hair in the bathroom mirror, and wore his uniform. There were differences in the uniform; the most remarkable difference being the golden sash around the waist. 

He watched as Jim met his own eyes in the mirror, a look of familiar determination surfacing in those intense blue eyes, the way he had done every morning in his own quarters on Leonard's Enterprise. 

Did it matter? Leonard asked himself. Did it matter if this Jim was more severe towards his crew members, or more guarded and sharp? That particular blade had never cut Leonard yet. 

As Jim paused in front of the main door, Leonard let his actions answer his own thoughts. 

The bewildered look Jim gave him was reward enough, when Leonard leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. Just for a moment, Jim's defenses were stripped, his mental walls still a split second from coming up again. 

The expression was so Jim, the way he let his walls down just for Leonard to see through them. The total confusion was an expression Leonard had often laughed at; that the genius golden boy James Tiberius Kirk could be at a loss too. 

Then Jim's mental walls snapped back in place, and his expression turned suspicious and questioning. Leonard's heart ached at the loss, but he smiled. He knew now that there was part of his Jim that this Jim shared; and there was no way in the galaxy that he would give that up for anything. 

"We used to do that," Leonard said softly, surprised at how steady his own voice came out. He felt drowned inside, waves and waves of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. He didn't say who "we" were, but Jim knew. 

Jim nodded, his expression not quite changing. But Leonard could see from his posture that he had relaxed. 

After a short pause, he said, "We should continue the tradition."

And Leonard knew that he wouldn't give this up for anything in the world, little as it was compared to what he had once had.

.........

Alone, Leonard began to come down from his adrenaline and impulse-fueled high. Sinking down on the familiar bed, Leonard felt exhaustion and the beginnings of a headache overwhelm him. 

In the past few hours, Leonard had met his own Jim's mirror doppelgänger, who was thankfully alive and well, and followed him here to his mirror universe. He'd learnt that he had died in this universe, but his room seemed to be in perfect order. 

As CMO, Leonard had private quarters, but if his mirror counterpart had died... Who had replaced him, and where was the new CMO sleeping? Even if Jim had been grieving too much to do so, Leonard was certain that Spock would be efficient enough to promote someone else to CMO position. Perhaps M'Benga, Leonard mused. The man was a productive and efficient doctor, and a valuable asset to Starfleet. When Leonard had left Starfleet, he hadn't appointed a successor, but he would place his bets on M'Benga. 

And everyone in this universe seemed slightly different, especially Jim, the only person he'd had close contact with so far. Spock's easy action of pushing Sulu under the bus to take complete blame, the ensigns' silent acknowledge of their passing and Jim's own strange demeanor, guarded and almost aggressive, on his own ship. 

Leonard closed his eyes for what seemed like the first time since he had seen Jim back in his own universe. He had been keeping his eyes wide open, taking in every precious and dearly missed sight and sound. The ever-present whirring of the Enterprise's engineering, the sound feet created on the corridors of the ship, and most importantly, the people present on the ship. 

Now, he could feel the exhaustion seeping into his bones, but he had one more important question to reflect on: did he regret his choice, coming with Jim to his mirrored universe? 

Leonard couldn't feel regret just yet, after proving to himself that this Jim shared enough similarities with his own, despite his different and inexplicable attitude. He needed Jim, no matter what differences this Jim had with his own. And if this Jim was more predatory and guarded, so what? He had let down his defenses to Leonard too. 

He didn't care. 

...........

At some indecipherable time, Leonard was roused from his sleep by the force of a weight sinking down onto his bed. Squeezing apart his tired eyelids, Leonard blearily made a noise of compliant. 

Even before he opened his eyes, Leonard knew that it was Jim. Years of being woken half-asleep as the captain sneaked under the covers had accustomed Leonard to the way the bed sank under his captain's weight. 

He heard a growl from behind him, and then felt the warm, grounding weight of Jim encompass him from behind. In his sleep-befuddled mind, Leonard felt wrapped up in Jim's warmth, safe and comforting. 

Jim's hands settled on Leonard; one hand on his waist and an arm draped around Leonard's body, the hand resting just above his heartbeat, possessive and tender. 

Leonard fell asleep that way, wrapped tightly in the arms of his captain. 

...........

When Leonard woke up from his exhausted stupor again, a glance at the bedside digital device told him that it was already noon. For a confused moment, Leonard forgot where he was. 

Then it all came rushing back, and the only thing Leonard could manage to feel was a dizzy, probably happiness. 

Jim was long gone, hours into his shift, but the side of Leonard's bed still held signs of him sleeping there. Leonard rolled over, face down, breathing in Jim's familiar scent for a while more before getting up to use the bathroom. 

When Leonard exited the bathroom, he was no longer alone in his room. 

Spock was standing by the bed, his strict posture looking out of place beside Leonard's rather disorganized sheets. Other than the sash around the waists of his uniform, he looked no different from the Spock from Leonard's universe. 

Emotion welled up in Leonard's chest, and when he swallowed there was a lump in his throat. He never thought that he would feel so emotional at seeing the green-blooded hobgoblin, but here he was, getting all sentimental. 

Leonard coughed deliberately, both to clear his head and to alert Spock of his presence. Spock turned around, and Leonard's heart squeezed at seeing another familiar face. 

But there was something different about Spock's face, and Leonard blinked when he realized it. This Spock had a full grown beard, and it didn't look wrong or even bad on him. If looked... Despite everything, Leonard had to admit that if made him look attractive. 

Spock, on the other hand, looked stricken. It wasn't a look Leonard saw often on the cool and factual science officer, and he wondered what he had done to trigger it. 

"Spock?" Leonard finally asked, his voice almost shaky with emotion. 

The First Officer of the Enterprise did not reply immediately. Instead, his eyes looked over Leonard with less than his usual calm demeanor. With a flash of déjà vu, Leonard realized that the motion mirrored what he had done when he had first seen Jim. 

A moment passed before Spock's face reigned its usual calm expression. "Leonard. I did not expect to see you again." 

Leonard had the ridiculous urge to smile. "Neither did I, Spock. Neither did I." 

Spock blinked, as if overwhelmed. "The captain did not inform me of your... Arrival." A pause, and then, "You are not the Doctor McCoy from this universe, I assume?" 

Leonard nodded slowly, his throat still thick with emotion. 

A heavy silence settled in the room. Spock was silent again, his eyes vacant as if he were deep in thought, or perhaps seeing something Leonard could not. 

"Of course. You differ much from the Doctor McCoy in this universe..." Spock said, so softly that Leonard thought that perhaps he wasn't meant to hear it at all. 

But the words had piqued Leonard's interest. "In what ways?" He asked quietly. The Jim and the Spock here differed from his own in ways he could easily pinpoint, but the McCoy here was dead. 

And Leonard wanted to know. He wanted to know what this McCoy had done with his time on the Enterprise, what he had done with Jim in his Academy days, even though Spock probably wouldn't know much about that. 

Spock looked at Leonard, his eyes cleared of their fog. "I would not wish that burden on you." He replied, his tone somber and his eyes dark. 

Leonard's pulse picked up. The dread returned, creating an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. "What do you mean?" He asked, despite the foreboding which told him that he didn't want to know. 

Spock refused to meet his gaze, an unprecedented phenomenon. "The Doctor McCoy I knew would not have greeted me as you had." He started, eyes fixed stoically on something Leonard could not see. His tone was flat, even and emotionless, even more so than usual. "He would not have... welcomed me." 

Leonard's surprised laughter broke the tense atmosphere. "Well, it's not as if I've been very welcoming to you either," He remarked, smirking. "But do continue." 

The expression Spock gave Leonard was priceless. The Vulcan looked up, a look of complete shock on his face. It made him look strangely unprotected, even vulnerable. 

"What?" Leonard finally asked, confused. His laughter had been rare, especially on board the Enterprise in front of the entire crew, but there had always been times when he'd smiled or laughed in front of the bridge crew. 

Spock's expression looked painful now, and his voice was strangely unsteady when he answered. "The Doctor McCoy here would never have laughed like that. He would have assumed that I was here to kill him," Spock said.There was a change in the way he spoke. It was slower and put more plainly, as if Spock had decided that Leonard was a child who needed to be talked to in simpler terms. 

It infuriated Leonard in the way only the green-blooded hobgoblin could, but his annoyance was dulled by the chill Spock's words caused him. 

Why would he ever assume that Spock would want to kill him? He might not always be agreeable with Spock, but deep down, he considered the Vulcan as a close friend. 

His shock must have been obvious on his face, because Spock said, "The Doctor McCoy here would never have revealed his emotions so easily. Or as you Terrans put it, 'wear your heart on your sleeve'." 

What was Spock hinting at? That his mirrored counterpart was reserved and cold? Leonard didn't understand. 

"Doctor McCoy, your universe must be diversely different from mine for you to not understand my implications." Spock said, and Leonard noticed that he wasn't meeting his eyes again. "You should not be here." 

Spock took a step forward towards Leonard, his eyes cold and hard. Instinctively, Leonard stepped backwards, Spock's predatory stance setting off all the alarms in his mind. All the things he had learned in xenobiology about Vulcan strength suddenly popped into Leonard's mind, and he gritted his teeth when Spock showed no sign of backing off. 

As Spock steadily advanced towards him, Leonard glanced frantically around his room, looking for any weapon, anything to defend himself. He reached behind him for the contents of the basket where he kept his eating utensils, which was sadly the sharpest thing Leonard could think of, and came up with a surgical scalpel. 

His eyes widened almost comically, but now wasn't the time to wonder about why the hell something that belonged in Sickbay was doing in his room. 

Seeing the potential weapon in Leonard's hands seemed to make Spock more careful. The Vulcan slowed in his approach, and a considering look entered his eyes. Leonard felt a strange satisfaction for making Spock see him as a potential threat. 

Then Spock suddenly lunged forward, and Leonard saw exactly how wrong he had been. The weight of a grown Vulcan male crashed into Leonard's frame, and Leonard fell to the floor with Spock half atop him. 

The scalpel was wrenched from Leonard's grip calmly, the Vulcan undisrupted by Leonard's valiant attempt at retaining his hold on it. Disarmed, Leonard bucked up wildly against Spock, who was straddling his hips with a leaden weight, until Spock slammed his arms down by his sides, his grip on Leonard's wrists hard enough to bruise. 

Spock's expression was impassive. Leonard knew that he had to be red in the face from exertion, but Spock was as calm and cool as ever, with barely a hair out of place. 

Leonard had the urge to hit him in the face, but his arms were held motionless by Spock's superior strength. 

"Fuck you, Spock." Leonard said, without any heat, his anger gone suddenly. In its place was a bone-deep tiredness, at this Spock, this Jim, and this whole damn mirrored universe where everyone he had known seemed to be off-kilter. 

Above him, Spock arched an eyebrow. "Are you done, Doctor McCoy?" 

What else could he say? "I am, but I'm not sure with doing what." Leonard replied honestly. He looked up at Spock, challenging him with the truth in his eyes. 

The sound of the door sliding open snapped both of their attentions to the entrance of the room. 

Through the door strode Jim Kirk, his phaser pointed straight at Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone!

Jim's stance was steady, and he did not seem in any way shocked or hurt by the scene before him. Even from afar Leonard could see that the captain's blue eyes were smoldering, and every body language promised murderous rage. 

The phaser's safety was off, and from the set of Jim's shoulders and the way his finger pressed tightly against the trigger, Leonard didn't doubt that he would shoot. He did not seem to care that the man he was about to shoot was his First Officer, the second highest ranking man aboard the Enterprise, and his friend besides. 

The knowledge made Leonard feel very, very cold all of a sudden, even though he wasn't the target of the deadly weapon in Jim's hands. 

Spock, however, looked as calm as ever, as if being held at gunpoint by his captain was a normal occurrence. "Captain." 

Jim's face contorted in anger, but his arm remained completely steady and his aim unaffected. "Spock. Don't test my patience." He said, his voice curt and commanding in a way Leonard had never heard before. 

Spock released Leonard's wrists, but he made no move to get off him. Leonard rubbed at his chaffed wrists as Spock calmly replied, "Doctor McCoy and I had some disagreements. It is of no considerable consequence, Captain. I would not, as you know, risk one of the Enterprise's key officers for a personal matter." 

By the expression on his face, Jim was not placated. "Get off him, Spock." He ordered, his gaze never leaving Spock's face, intense enough to bore holes into the Vulcan's skin. How Spock managed to remain calm under that intensity, Leonard didn't know. 

"Captain, I believe that you intend to allow this Doctor McCoy to replace Leonard. I do not agree with your line of thought. Clearly, this Doctor McCoy is vastly different in temperament and personality from our own." Spock said, not moving from his position above Leonard. 

Jim's blue eyes flared when he heard Spock address Leonard by his first name. "The Enterprise needs a CMO we can both trust. We're in the middle of a fucking five year mission, Spock. There's no way we're going to be docking anywhere long enough for us to pick up a obedient and skilled doctor. I'm not going to trust that nest of vipers and politicians back in the Empire to send us a reliable CMO." 

Confusion made its way into Leonard's mind. What was the Empire? And what did Jim even mean by an obedient doctor? No rebellious person would have made it far up the ranks in Starfleet, no matter how much potential he or she had. The one exception was maybe Jim. 

Spock did not seem to agree with Jim. "I do not find this Doctor McCoy a suitable candidate for that position. He does not seem to even have knowledge regarding the Empire and its systems. He would not last a day in the Sickbay." He stated flatly. 

So Spock wanted to send him back. Was that it? Leonard felt a unexpected flare of indignation well up in him. He had made the conscious choice to follow Jim to this mirrored universe, and the green-blooded hobgoblin had no damn right to just decide to send him back. 

The Spock and the Jim here might not be the people Leonard had known so well in his own universe, as they had just demonstrated so thoroughly, and Leonard would be lying if he said that he wasn't even a little bit afraid of them. 

But Leonard wasn't going to just stay quiet and let them decide his fate, either. They might not be the same people Leonard had known, but he knew enough about them to have a say in their argument. 

"I don't understand any of this because neither of you even mentioned it to me in the first place," Leonard snapped, impatience and exasperation getting the better of his tongue. "If any of you just told me, I might be able to just decide." 

In unison, Spock and Jim turned their faces towards him. Jim's expression was indecisive, as if he couldn't decide whether to be angry or laugh, and for once his attention wasn't concentrated on the phaser in his hand. Spock's face was blank, but Leonard could see that he was shocked, too. 

For a long, tension filled moment, they just stayed there in their positions, Spock on top of Leonard, and Jim pointing his phaser at Spock. The only sound that punctuated the silence was Leonard's heavy breaths. 

He was starting to regret speaking out so rashly when Jim's disbelieving laughter rang out in the room. The sound echoed in the silent room, and Leonard's treacherous heart ached at the sound, even though it was vastly different from what he was used to hearing. 

"You really are one crazy man, McCoy," He said, and Leonard quietly exhaled, relieved. 

Jim turned his head towards Spock fractionally, his gaze still not quite leaving his phaser arm. "See, Spock? He's not as weak as you make him up to be." He said, angling his gaze towards Spock, as if daring him to contradict his captain. 

Spock did not rise to the bait, instead looking down in deference. "As you will, captain." It wasn't quite approval, but Jim did not seem to mind. Leonard thought that maybe it was because even this autocratic Jim valued Spock's opinion in certain matters. 

Jim looked pleased. "We'll bring him back to to Sickbay. Spock, arrange for him to have two officers from Security to follow him." He ordered, and Spock nodded, before swiftly standing up. Leonard winced, before standing up himself. 

"And, Spock?" Jim called, just before Spock activated the opening mechanism on the door. 

Spock turned around, his eyes cast attentively on his captain. 

"Don't do that again," Jim warned, and the tone was warning and dipped in poison. Leonard remembered how Jim's eyes had flared with jealousy when he had seen Spock and himself lying entangled on the floor of his room. 

Spock merely inclined his head, and left without a word. 

Watching Spock disappear through the door, Leonard wondered how many times this Jim and Spock had had private discussions like this, and decided their course of action together. It was certainly something his Jim and Spock had done frequently in his own universe. 

Leonard found that he could find solace in these small things, these small reminders that these people here weren't completely alien to those he had known. 

When Spock was gone down the corridor, Jim turned to Leonard. His phaser had disappeared, probably hidden somewhere like his knife had been. It was stupid and foolish, but Leonard could just almost lie to himself that they had never existed when those lethal weapons were out of sight, and pretend to himself that the Jim in front of him was the Jim he had known. 

"McCoy. Let's go, I'll pick out a proper uniform for you. There should be some extras from one of the ensigns. There always are." Jim said, and his tone had turned mild, although not even close to the friendly tone Jim had always adopted when talking to even an acquaintance. 

It was enough for Leonard, especially after Jim's demeanor not an hour ago. "Okay." He agreed. 

Jim gave him a strange look as they passed the threshold of Leonard's room, a cross between amusement and anger. "You know, not many people would dare speak to me without former address." He said casually, but Leonard had slipped back into caution. Jim's voice held an undertone, and Leonard wasn't going to risk anything. 

"Would you rather I called you Captain Kirk, like that - like Spock?" He'd been about to use his nickname for the Spock in his own universe, but he had no idea how this Jim and Spock would react to that. 

To his surprise, Jim fell silent for a long while. Again, Leonard noticed that the passing ensigns and even lieutenants whose counterparts he definitely recognized, went past them hurriedly without greeting. 

Jim noticed Leonard's curious glances, and when the next group of ensigns passed, he stopped a particular blue shirt whom Leonard did not recognize. The ensign's eyes widened when he saw the person who had stopped him. 

Jim said nothing, just stared at the ensign, hard and unmoving. There was an alien glint in his blue eyes. 

It was one of those intense stares of Jim's that Leonard had come to understand that very few could hold, himself included. The ensign, who couldn't have been more than twenty, looked down almost immediately. His headful of blue curls reminded Leonard of Chekov. He wondered where the kid was in this mirrored universe, if he had risen to the Lieutenant rank yet. 

Slowly, the rest of the ensigns who had been hurrying down the corridor with the blue-haired ensign left, slinking off down the hallway silently. Leonard looked on in bewilderment as the ensigns disappeared around the corner. A young female ensign with pretty blue eyes hesitated, turning back her head to look at the ensign they had left behind. 

Jim turned his head sideways and smiled at her. It wasn't a nice smile; unlike one Leonard's Jim would have given a fellow crew member. This smile was all teeth and suggestion, those intense blue eyes like sharp daggers digging into the ensign's skin. 

Leonard shuddered as the female ensign quickly spun back around and passed out of his range of sight. In front of them, the blue-haired ensign had panicked, and made a rush for the corridor. 

Jim reacted so fast that Leonard barely saw him move. In the next moment, the unfortunate ensign had been backed into the wall, a terrified look on his face. Leonard stood, frozen, staring blankly as a slow, languid smile spread across Jim's face. 

"Ensign Will," Jim said, his voice soft but deadly. "Do you know what you did?" 

The blue-haired ensign shuddered, and Leonard noticed one of his hands reach around to the back of his waist. 

"Answer me," Jim said again, louder. The sound echoed down the corridor, ensuring that no one else would interfere with their conversation. No one had wanted to risk Jim's wrath needlessly, even aboard Leonard's Enterprise. Jim had never encouraged busybodies and gossiping when it came to a crew member's errors. 

Ensign Will straightened his back, and looked earnestly at his captain. "If it's regarding the matter with Doctor McCoy, Captain, I swear I'm not involved." His gaze flickered nervously towards Leonard. 

A chill of premonition crept up Leonard's spine. The way the ensign was looking at him... He didn't look guilty at all, but there was something in his gaze... He had done something, Leonard was sure, but he didn't know what. 

Just as he was about to tell Jim about his gut feeling, Jim's voice rang out loud and clear in the empty hallway. "There's no need to lie, Ensign. I could you in the booth regardless of anything you say." 

There was a carelessness in Jim's voice; the words weren't arrogant, but simply stated like they were the plainest truth in the universe. Leonard believed them. He didn't know what the booth was, but he had a feeling that it wasn't a pleasant place to be in at all. 

The tense moment passed, and Jim turned and smiled at Leonard. "Well, we'll go get your uniform now." 

Before Leonard could say anything, a familiar zinging sound rang in the air, and Leonard found himself pushed aside roughly. He crashed against the wall, and whirled his head around to see a tell-take phaser-caused tear in the wall across him. 

Alarm bells rang in Leonard's head. He turned back to see Ensign Will standing with his feet in firing position, the phaser in his hand, which was set to kill, being slowly lowered. He looked strangely calm, drastically different from the jittery young man from minutes before. 

Leonard felt a cold feeling settle in his gut. There was a familiarity to the way the ensign held the weapon, and Leonard instinctively knew that he was dangerous. A quick glance sideways told him that Jim was safe. He must have pushed Leonard away, even though Leonard had a feeling that the phaser's target hadn't been him himself. 

Jim didn't seem shocked or even disturbed by the sudden turn of events. He beckoned towards Leonard, with an outstretched hand. The smile on his face was the closest to any his Jim had ever worn, but all Leonard felt was cold. 

Jim was happy. He was happy after a crew member had just threatened -or possibly intended- to kill him with a phaser. Leonard didn't understand what was going on at all. He'd known that there were many things different with this Jim, but this was too far, too soon for Leonard to accept. 

In what sort of fucked up universe did starship captains face attempted assassinations from ensigns and feel delight? 

"Come on, McCoy." Jim said again, and a note of impatience had entered his tone. Leonard stared blankly at him, wondering if he had been hallucinating this entire time. The things he had just seen wouldn't be implausible coming out of one of his nightmares. 

Then he saw Jim's eyes, which had gone cold as icicles. Those familiar, warm blue eyes had turned into something entirely unrecognizable and alien. This time the emotion Leonard felt was fear, and he stumbled after Jim, still mostly numb from what he had just seen. 

Just before they rounded the corner, Jim turned his head back and called, "Oh, and Ensign Will? Do Security a favor and don't move, will you?" Then, after a pause, he added, "Actually, you should run. I'm sure Sulu's underlings would appreciate the hunt, and it'd make the end all the swifter." 

There should be some extras from one of the ensigns. There always are. The words reverberated in Leonard's head, and he couldn't get them out no matter what he did. 

A look backwards told Leonard that Ensign Will's face had turned ashen pale, but the horror was nothing compared to what he felt when he saw Jim's expression. 

Jim's features hadn't changed, were just as beautiful as they always had been, but there was nothing beautiful about the way they looked right then to Leonard. His red lips were pulled back in a smile of violent delight, with just the barest hint of sharp teeth. His blue eyes were intense, smiling a blinding smile of their own. 

"Oh, and McCoy? Jim is just fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a little confusing, but Bones is really confused by everything around him in the mirror universe. I also wanted to introduce the Empire in this chapter, but my muse didn't cooperate, so... Probably next chapter D: 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un beta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone!

The mirrored universe was a fucked up place; the crew of the Enterprise were men and women who considered murder and assassination as nothing more than a part of their daily lives and their commanding officers, counterparts of those people Leonard had known and loved so well, were violent and unrepentant. 

And Jim? Jim was the worst of them all. Leonard had watched him threaten and as good as sentenced an Ensign to death. 

Of all things in this cruel universe that hit Leonard the hardest; that the kind, passionate man he had known in his universe was warped and twisted in this one, a cruel parody in this mirror universe. 

Leonard couldn't understand this Jim, couldn't fathom what sort of society could have made Jim the way he was in this twisted world. 

The first thing Leonard found once he stepped out of his CMO quarters was a bouquet of flowers, tightly and beautifully bunched and arranged like a Valentines' Day gift Leonard himself might have given to a girl he admired. 

He'd never done that for Jim; had thought it too sappy to give to his blue-eyed captain, and Jim had never given one to him either. Leonard doubted the Jim in this universe would have the sentiment to do such things either. 

Bending down, Leonard scooped up the bouquet of flowers, which were a delicate shade of purplish-pink. As Leonard reached out with a hand to stir the soft petals, a note fell out. Picking it up, Leonard saw only a sentence: Beware, Doctor. The Captain's affections come at a cost. 

A chill ran through the hand holding the flowers. Leonard suddenly remembered that one of the lesser-known facts about Lieutenant Sulu was his interest in botany. But why would the pilot want to threaten Leonard? 

Remembering Jim and Spock's foreign behavior, Leonard had to accept that it wouldn't be a far stretch anymore for this Sulu to be as twisted as to threaten him. 

But what did he mean? That Jim's affections came at a price... Despite the mind-boggling, earth-shaking differences this universe had with his own, Jim's attraction to Leonard was one of the few things Leonard could be certain of. 

Leonard was a new variable in this mirrored universe, a new factor in the unchanging dynamics on this Enterprise, but he couldn't imagine what this Jim could possibly want from him that he wouldn't readily give. 

It'd taken him a full sleepless night to finally accept the fact, and he was sure it would give him nightmares, but Leonard had come to the conclusion that despite everything this Jim had behaved like, the aching feeling in his heart wasn't going away. 

It might have been easy to hate, even abhor this Jim if he had just been wearing the face of Leonard's dead lover, but Leonard knew that this Jim held more similarities to the one he had known than just that. The mind of the man who had the same face as Leonard's captain was just as brilliant, just as capable a captain as Leonard's own had been. 

And most importantly, of course, he had shown the same quirks and minute actions that no one else but Leonard would have cared about, and they made the doctor's heart ache and yearn like nothing else did; not this mirrored universe where everyone on his Enterprise were present, not even the fact that Jim was alive and well here. 

The presence of those little, familiar things made Leonard's foolish doctor heart refuse to let this Jim continue like this, continue being the person he was in this mirror universe. The same part of Leonard's heart which made him such a brilliant doctor refused to give up on this Jim, wanted to change him into something better. 

Leonard supposed that that made his feelings all the more dangerous. Because now that he felt that he had a mission to change this mirrored Jim into something better, Leonard felt a strange recklessness, stemming from his naturally protective nature of those whom he loved. 

Leonard didn't need Spock to tell him how bad an idea that was, even in this fucked up version of reality he was living in. 

So absorbed was he in his thoughts that Leonard didn't notice that he'd walked to Spock's quarters still holding the bouquet like an idiot until the First Officer raised his eyebrow in his signature move. 

"Doctor McCoy. I see that you have brought... A gesture of appreciation." Spock said, his voice mildly amused, and Leonard felt that unreasonable pang again. It was unfair, how everything any one of these counterparts did and said still made Leonard miss his own old fellow crewmembers. 

He had to keep in mind that this Spock was just as cruel as the Jim here was, just as vicious and cunning and manipulating. After all, hadn't Spock tried to send him back? 

Spock was fixing him with a carefully scrutinizing gaze, so Leonard looked down awkwardly at the bouquet of flowers cradled in his arm and muttered, "No, S- someone left it in front of my quarters." 

Spock's eyebrows rose in a manner that possibly defied the laws of physics. "I see. That is... Surprising." Leonard could see the gears in Spock's head running, the science officer's brain calmly going through the names of the possible candidates. 

After a short pause, a cold look entered the Vulcan's eyes and he abruptly turned away from Leonard, striding in fast steps towards the table in his quarters. Leonard tried to suppress the cold feeling he felt rising in his chest.

.........

"So, Doctor McCoy. It is to I and the Captain's knowledge that you are not well informed about our... Particular universe, and how it differs from ours." 

As he spoke, Spock softly blew into the two cups he held in his hands before setting the two cups of Vulcan tea down on the table. Steam rose in swirls from the red liquid, dotted with the crushed green dots of leaf. 

Leonard remembered the Vulcan speciality well, had been treated to it by his Spock often enough, especially after Vulcan's destruction. The spice tea had never tasted the same, because Leonard could taste and could understand the bittersweet flavor in it thereafter. 

"I understand that in your universe, there is an establishment called the Federation which has control over Starfleet. In this one, however, there is only the one and supreme Empire." Spock's voice was flat and even, as if the words had been recited from memory, more parts reiteration than loyalty. 

Leonard hesitated. "And in this Empire... Captains have the authority to order executions?" It still sounded insane and illogical to him, even now that he had witnessed it with his own eyes. 

Spock inclined his head. "Doctor. Murder and manipulation... It seems that it is different in your universe, but here, they are tools that anyone knows to utilize, from the smallest child to the Empress." 

Leonard felt shivers down his spine at Spock's blatant statement. It was in the way the First Officer articulated it; entirely nonchalant, as if that was a universally known fact that Leonard had somehow missed out on. 

The rest of the conversation passed slowly but pleasantly, with the slightly tangy smell of Vulcan tea wafting through the air of Spock's quarters. The absolute normalcy of the environment scared Leonard even as it gave him a false sense of familiarity. No matter how familiar the situation was, Leonard couldn't deny the horror he felt at the words being exchanged across the table. 

Abruptly, Spock glanced at the chronometer and rose. "It is time for my beta shift to begin. I will escort you back to your quarters, Doctor McCoy. You are well advised to remain there until the Captain returns." 

The twisting feeling of betrayal returned, and Leonard's mood dissipated. Just like that, the semblance towards his Spock was gone. His Spock would never have dismissed Leonard so easily and coldly, especially in their last years together. Five years together in space had forged bonds between even him and the hobgoblin. 

Wordlessly, Leonard moved towards the door. He could return on his own; the atmosphere had gone tense and Leonard didn't fancy being stuck with this unfamiliar counterpart of Spock all the way back to his quarters. 

About to press the button to open the doors, Spock suddenly spoke up. "Doctor," He said, his voice strangely soft, "It was not my intention to belittle your worth. It is merely a word of caution. You are new aboard this Enterprise, and I would not wish to see Leonard's counterpart lose his life needlessly." 

Leonard hesitated again. After what Spock had revealed, Leonard would be lying if he said that he didn't feel apprehension at what the crew aboard the ISS Enterprise could do. Spock's unexpected speech was surprisingly earnest, and Leonard's heart softened despite himself. 

Spock had come up right behind him, silent as usual, and Leonard nodded in compromisation. 

The walk back to Leonard's quarters was quiet, but the atmosphere had lost its tense edge. 

.........

His quarters were silent if comforting, the only sound the once familiar whirring of the ship's engines. Leonard sighed. He felt tired, still emotionally drained from mental exhaustion with what had happened in the span of two days, but he knew that if he gave himself time to relax and think, his conscience would start resurfacing. 

Leonard didn't think he could face the torrent of guilt and uncertainty just yet. Prolonged denial had never done him any good just yet, but he figured that he had never been in such a situation before anyway. 

He briefly contemplated leaving his quarters to find Jim on the bridge, but remembered Spock's parting words and decided against it. Perhaps it was better to be safe than sorry, at least for the moment. 

Leonard settled for roaming around in his quarters, opting to explore the bedside cabinet's contents. It was the one furniture in his quarters that he had not had in his universe's counterpart. 

Spock hadn't specifically mentioned why the CMO's quarters had been vacant, but he had mentioned that M'Benga was indeed the acting CMO. Why M'Benga hadn't been staying in the accorded quarters had not been discussed, but Leonard had ideas, none of which could be considered pleasant. 

One of the things Leonard had learnt that was hardest to wrap his mind around was that in this universe, power plays were common. To gain the necessary support and sponsorship to rise through the ranks, ensigns and lieutenants alike murdered and manipulated their way to power. 

As a result of this society's attitude and regard towards power, Spock had explained, free will was almost always an illusion. Negotiations between crew members to form a mutually beneficial partnership were common, and in certain cases, power was used in underhand means, either to execute enemies or to control and threaten underlings. 

As loath as Leonard was to believe that, it certainly explained this Jim's cruelty towards the ensign, and Spock's odd behavior towards him. 

Leonard's guess was that M'Benga was under the influence of another, higher-ranking officer in the Empire hierarchy, and that officer had certain reasons to constrain the acting CMO's power onboard the Enterprise, possibly to install another, more reliable and capable man or woman in the position. 

After all, who would want to ally themselves with a CMO who couldn't even secure his rightful quarters on the ship? 

The ease with which he had connected the dots disturbed Leonard more than a little. Was his mind so bendable that he was able to immediately put himself into the nameless manipulator's shoes? Or had there always been a darker part of him, previously hidden in the shadows, that craved and understood this society's unorthodox methods? 

Frustrated with his thoughts, Leonard yanked at a stubbornly closed drawer. The drawer wasn't locked, but there was something jamming the lever. Pulling harder, Leonard eventually managed to yank open the offending drawer. 

A thin stack of papers flew out of the drawer, jerked out by Leonard's sudden particularly hard yank. As the sheets of white, familiar-looking paper scattered to the ground, bolded words suddenly caught Leonard's eyes. 

Picking up the particular piece of paper, Leonard read, "Proposal for the Destruction of Vulcan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My exams are finally over! I'm sincerely sorry for the long break before this update, but since my exams are over I'll hopefully be able to update more frequently from now onwards.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	5. Chapter 5

Leonard's mind blanked out, a strange ringing sound in his ears. It was impossible... But without permission, his eyes had skimmed the cold, professional and cruel words suggesting the annihilation of the entire planet, including all the life forms happening to be on it. 

As he read, the unending chanting of 'no' in his head increased in volume, until he finally reached the last line of the official Empire papers. 

There, typed, were the cruel and final words which confirmed Leonard's worst fears; that made denial pointless. 

Captain James T. Kirk. 

At once, all the strength went out of Leonard's frame. Wordlessly, emotionlessly, he sank to the ground, dazed.

Leonard didn't know how long he sat there, holding the sheets of papers and rereading that last line, as if if he read it enough times, the words would change, and the letters would shape themselves into something else. 

He even thought, in a moment of utter despair, that perhaps it would have been better if it had been his own name written there, and his own signature rather than Jim's familiar, cursive hand. 

The sound of the com channel in Leonard's room blaring to life jerked him awake from his stupor. The sheets of paper escaped from Leonard's loose, trembling grip and scattered to the ground once again as Leonard heard the familiar voice resound throughout his previously silent quarters. 

"McCoy?" The voice had a pleasant tinge to it; the closest emotion to happiness that Leonard had ever heard it express, and yet this time it made Leonard's insides feel as if they had been plunged in ice. 

It took a while, long enough for displeasure to enter the captain's voice when he replied. "Yes, Captain." Leonard managed, the sound mangled and hoarse, choked out from his suddenly dry throat, and prayed that the com channel's transmission wasn't clear enough for him to distinguish it. 

If Kirk noticed, he made no acknowledgement of it. Instead, the captain hang up with a simple, "I'll see you in five, McCoy." 

There was an edge to Kirk's voice, and at any other time, with another Jim, Leonard might have considered that as a prelude for a long, enjoyable night in bed ahead. But the same words coming out of this Kirk's mouth sent cold chills down Leonard's spine, and froze him down to his bones. 

With a start, Leonard glanced at the sheets of paper still lying about on the floor. Quickly, he snatched them up, and wasted precious seconds darting his gaze around the room, trying to find a secure hiding place. 

A quick glance to the chronometer by his bed told Leonard that nearly two minutes had passed. There was no time; Kirk would be coming soon. With the captain's override code, he could enter Leonard's quarters even if Leonard didn't respond. And then he would have reason to be suspicious. 

Frantically, Leonard made a rush for the toilet. Locking the door behind him, he stashed the sheets of official papers into the secluded corner behind the toilet seat. Taking a merest second to look into the mirror, Leonard tried to make himself calm down. 

The reflection was of a man with all the facial features and body that Leonard had seen for the past few months; considerably healthy in body, but with that always present, unremovable dash of sorrow and grief.

There was something more now, Leonard noticed, even as he calmed his emotions and the wild look vanished from his features. There was a grim determination in his features now, difficult to recognize but all the same there. 

Seeing this Jim, no matter how devastatingly different he was, had put renewed purpose into Leonard's sorrow-filled life. No matter what Leonard chose to do next, there was no changing the fact that he was, in that moment, tempted to stay. 

Why? 

It was a question Leonard had asked himself repeatedly, and no matter how many times he did, the answer remained the same. 

This mirrored counterpart of Jim's was too familiar and too foreign all at once, and Leonard couldn't bear to leave even this consolation prize. Because he was too afraid of what he would, could, become if he left. 

Leonard could hear the sound of platform shoes hitting the floors of his quarters. Taking a deep breath, Leonard looked away from the mirror. 

He turned just in time to come face to face with Jim. 

Jim's face was suspicious, his eyes narrowed and his blue eyes dark with some indecipherable emotion. It was, Leonard realized, with less of a shudder than he should have felt, disappointment at not having been able to catch Leonard in the middle of something. 

Leonard's greeting wasn't exactly cold, but it wasn't warm or passionate either. "Jim." 

The captain's lips curved in a considering smile. He cocked his head to the side, his contemplating gaze sliding along Leonard's frame as if trying to determine exactly what Leonard was playing at. 

The chilling gaze turned blazingly hot when it reached Leonard's lips, and with a cold shudder Leonard realized what he had to do. 

Quickly, hurriedly and distractedly, Leonard strode forward boldly, and before he could regret or have second thoughts, placed a hand on the back of Jim's head and kissed him. 

Warm, pillowy lips made contact with his own desperately parted ones, but the first thing Leonard could feel pressed up between their bodies was a cold, metallic object against his stomach. 

Leonard didn't look down; he knew what it was and he didn't know if he had the courage to carry on with what he was doing if he saw it. 

Instead, Leonard focused on teasing the captain's unyielding lips apart, easing the tip of his tongue insistently into the dip of Jim's lips. 

Thankfully, the captain' lips eased almost immediately, and then Jim was taking over, rough and ravaging and controlling, the unseen phaser's weight gone. Quietly, Leonard let out a long breath and easily relished his control. 

After that, it was easy, almost scarily so, to let go and let his body's natural instincts take over. 

Every inch of Leonard's body was pressed up directly against his captain's, and for once Leonard didn't need to imagine that the body against his was anyone else's but his captain's. 

Somehow, they made it to the bed, half tangled up in each other, mouths locked together in an almost endless, unbroken kiss. The hardness pressing against his hip was unmistakable, and Leonard, forgetting for a moment who he was with, smiled smugly against the captain's lips. 

Reality came rushing back like a bucket of cold water when the captain promptly pushed him down onto his own bed, with enough force to send him sprawling across the frame. 

Leonard looked up warily, braced for a phaser in his face or worse, but only Jim's dark smile greeted him. 

A smile had curled those ravaged red lips upwards, and there was a dark look in his cerulean eyes, which suddenly seemed at least three shades darker than they had before. 

Leonard only had enough time to shiver before the younger man was upon him, sending the bed frame bouncing under the sudden addition of weight. 

Hands seized Leonard's wrists and pressed them down hard against the mattress when he tried to protest, and then Jim's mouth was attaching itself to the side of his neck and he promptly forgot what he was about to say. 

Leonard whimpered as Jim sucked bruises into the column of his neck, all them layers of clothes between them suddenly all too much. 

Jim was rutting against Leonard's hip, and neither of them cared, too lost in each other to care that they were acting like inexperienced teenagers on a couch. 

Reluctantly, Jim pulled away to pull off both of their shirts. They were still joined at the hips, but somehow Jim's fingers brushing his skin still ignited something deep in Leonard's heart. If anyone asked him, Leonard would put it down as passion, but the feeling was too aching to be just that. 

He'd missed this. He'd missed every second he'd spent with Jim in bed, innocent or otherwise, just like he'd missed every moment he'd had Jim alone completely to himself. 

Ever since Jim had risen to his rank as Captain, his free time had been rare and few and far between. For that reason, Leonard and Jim had rarely enjoyed the privilege of having a long, slow session in their bed. The few occasions per year had usually been on their shore leave, and even then, Jim had been a busy man, burying himself under paperwork. 

So when Leonard reached up to kiss Jim again, it was slow and sensual, and loving. 

For a moment, Jim seemed to tense, unresponsive. Through the rest of the clothes they had on, Leonard could feel his muscles contract and instinctively knew that Jim's mental defenses were a split second away from coming up. 

Leonard didn't know what had happened here that made this Jim so unfamiliar, even perhaps afraid, towards acts of affection, but now wasn't the time or place to be raising Jim's suspicions by doing something that seemed to be out of character in this universe. Leonard didn't want to know what this Jim would do to him if he found out about the documents he had hid in the toilet of this very room. 

So Leonard let himself go limp and unresponding, letting Jim regain control of the kiss. 

With barely a second of hesitation, Jim resumed the lead, pressing Leonard further down into the mattress as he ravaged his mouth with his tongue. 

Leonard's subsequent moans didn't require any effort to voice, and he found himself thinking, even as the captain undressed the both of them, how sick it was that he still wanted this as much as he did, despite of who this was and where they were, and what he knew this Jim had done. 

A sharp bite to the side of his neck shook Leonard out of his reverie. Jim was looking down at him, the same dark, possessive look in his intense blue eyes. Leonard could get lost in those eyes, those blue irises gone dark and depthless. 

Jim had hefted his legs up, spread obscenely and wrapped around Jim's waist. Leonard squirmed, but only to move his legs to tug Jim's body even closer. Their erections brushed against each other, and they both moaned. 

"God, McCoy. You love this, don't you?" Jim said, his voice gone rough with unmistakable lust as he reached down between their tightly intertwined bodies to jerk Leonard off. Leonard groaned, closing his eyes briefly to the feeling of Jim's hand, hot and perfect on his cock. 

Jim's hand was rough, almost careless, but that was fine, because Leonard was harder than he had been in months. Because this was Jim, really him, beautiful and perfect and on top of him, every inch of his skin pressed up against Leonard's own, and everything Leonard could see and feel was Jim. 

"Have you done this with the other Jim, too? Let him spread you out all pretty and panting for him to take?" Jim's words might have registered as cruel in any moment but this one. Leonard was too far gone in the pleasure Jim's ministrations were stirring in him. Instead, he just tossed his head back hard into the mattress beneath him and moaned, loud and wanton enough for his face to turn red. 

The sound seemed to do something for Jim too, because the other man hiked Leonard's legs further up his body and Leonard felt something nudge at his entrance. 

Jim began to thrust shallowly, and a bolt of alarm jerked Leonard out of his pleasure-dulled mind. "Jim," Leonard said, forgetting for a moment who he was with and where his was. "Stop, we need to get the lube." 

Jim's movements ceased slowly as a cold chill ran down Leonard's spine. Jim's head was still buried in the crook of his shoulder; Leonard couldn't see his expression, but the abrupt silence and Jim's motionlessness made him break out in cold sweat. 

Then Jim was straightening and reaching up and over Leonard's shoulder, his hand rummaging through the contents of Leonard's bedside table. "Where is it?" He asked. Jim's voice had lost most of its warmth, but there was still an unmistakable edge of husky lust in it. 

Leonard shifted uncomfortably, still wary of Jim's reaction to his last sentence. "It's in the second drawer." So this Jim hadn't fucked his own doppelgänger in this universe, or at least not in his quarters. 

When Jim's body weight was firmly back on Leonard again, there was a smile on his face, and a unrecognizable gleam in his eyes. It wasn't a pleasant smile. Leonard shivered; whether in anticipation or fear, he wasn't sure. 

Being the masochist that he was, it was probably both. 

"So, McCoy." Jim said conversationally, looking down pointedly at Leonard's erection, which had flagged in the previous minutes, as he squirted lube on his fingers. The captain's own dick had retained a firm interest throughout the proceedings. "Pain doesn't get you off here?" 

Leonard wasn't sure what he meant. "What?" He managed to rasp out as the other man slid a finger into his entrance. Even with lube, the intrusion burned. It had been a long time since Leonard had fucked anyone, much less bottomed. 

Jim looked up from his work, his blue eyes lighting up with something more than lust. Interest, and more than a little glee. "Spock didn't tell you?" 

The mention of the Vulcan in the intimate moment conjured up less disturbing images than Leonard would have thought. Leonard closed his eyes, pretending to be lost in sensation. Jim couldn't still be suspicious of the First Officer, could he? 

Jim's laughter made Leonard's eyes fly back open. "You used to be quite the sadist, McCoy. You had half the ship tied to their beds and begging for release, and the other half screaming their lungs out, literally." 

The words made a strange feeling rise in Leonard's throat. What was Jim trying to say? That Leonard's counterpart had fucked the entire ship, willing or not, except for the captain himself? 

No, it was in the words Jim had used. 'You', again and again, as if the captain was trying to prove something to himself. 

Jim wanted to pretend that he was his doppelgänger.

Leonard understood the man's sentiments; wanted to do the same to this Jim. So what was that bitter feeling in his heart? 

Jim had gone up to three fingers, and had begun thrusting slowly in and out of Leonard's tight channel. There was a misted look in his blue eyes now, and Leonard was beginning to feel the first stirrings of arousal in his gut. 

"What's wrong, McCoy? Am I not enough to keep your attention?" Jim said lowly, his voice almost cruel as he skillfully crooked his fingers deep inside Leonard. 

"Look at me." The captain ordered when Leonard tried to close his eyes against the sudden flood of pleasure as the other man stretched him with his long fingers. Jim had always had such skillful fingers; people had called Leonard the one with the legendary hands, but they had no idea what Jim's fingers could do when he put his mind to it.

Leonard's eyes flickered as Jim hit a particular spot deep inside him, a bolt of almost electrical pleasure immediately flooding his senses. Involuntarily, he moaned out load, despite himself. 

Jim had a smug smile on his face, although the cruel look in his eyes was still there. His fingers abruptly stopped their exploration. Leonard writhed, desperate for more contact, for Jim to just move his goddamn fingers, but the captain just smirked. "Come on, McCoy, you know what to do," He drawled, and had the nerve to make to withdraw his fingers. 

Leonard bit back the pitiful sound at the back of his throat at the movement, and tried to buck up into Jim's body, but the captain held him down firm onto the mattress. "Beg." He commanded, all signs of amusement gone from his blown dark irises. 

It took all of a minute for Leonard to look into those eyes and let the words spill out of his mouth. "Please," He managed, his voice coming out wrecked and weak. "Please, Jim." 

The amusement had crawled back into Jim's tone. "Now, now. Is that how you beg, McCoy? And where are all your manners, Doctor?" He punctuated the last word with a sharp tug to Leonard's painfully hard cock. 

A whine escaped the back of Leonard's throat, and his face burned with humiliation. "Please, C-captain, please fuck me." Once the first words were out, the rest came easier than Leonard would have thought. 

"Captain, please, please, I need you inside me right now, please, Captain..." Leonard moaned, trying to ignore the burning feeling on his face as he said the words. 

The sound that tore itself from the back of Jim's mouth as the captain lunged forward to kiss Leonard wasn't human. But then Jim was pushing in, and Leonard couldn't think about anything, couldn't concentrate on anything that wasn't where they joined by the hips. 

Even with the preparation, the intrusion burned, and Leonard gritted his teeth silently against the pain. This was going to hurt like a bitch later, but Leonard couldn't bring himself to care about that just yet. 

"You're so tight, McCoy," Jim growled above him, burying his head against Leonard's shoulder as he seated himself fully inside Leonard. Unconsciously, Leonard clenched his muscles around the captain against the uncomfortable sensation of being penetrated. 

An animal noise escaped Jim's throat, low and deep, and the captain began to thrust deeply into Leonard. Leonard cut off a cry at the almost punishing pace Jim set, every thrust lodging deep into Leonard before the captain pulled out, only to push in twice as hard. 

Slowly, but surely, the ache in Leonard's heart was changing, as Jim's relentless thrusts pounded him beyond the edge of pain, and into pleasure. 

The first brush against the spot deep inside him made Leonard's eyes, half-lidded with the mixture of pleasure and pain, flutter open and a cry escape his ravaged throat. Jim smiled against his shoulder, and reached upwards to capture his open, panting mouth, making sure to hit the exact same spot with every thrust thereafter. 

Each pound and each shove, each movement joined Leonard and Jim together as a single entity, until even Leonard couldn't tell where he ended and Jim began. Jim was beautiful perfect even like this, blonde hair matted with sweat and sticking on his face, blue eyes blown impossibly wide and darkened with desire.

"J-jim!" Leonard gasped out after a particularly hard thrust perfectly angled to hit his prostrate. The stimulation was too much; he tried to reach down for his cock, but Jim batted his hand away. He realized that he had called his captain by name, but the realization barely permeated the cloud of foggy lust in his head, and he couldn't bring himself to care. 

Jim didn't seem to notice or care either, instead growling deep into Leonard's ear. "You're going to keep your hands to yourself, McCoy," He whispered in a voice more parts threat than humor. "Or am I going to have to do that for you?" 

Despite himself, Leonard moaned at the words; his traitorous dick taking an interest at the idea of Jim cuffing him to the bed and rendering him completely helpless. Who said masochism didn't get him off? 

"You like the sound of that, McCoy? I could tie you to the bed frame and fuck you senseless, and then fuck you again and again. You wouldn't be able to do a thing." Jim said, his voice a sultry whisper as he doubled his thrusts, pounding hard right into Leonard where he needed it. 

But it still wasn't enough. Leonard whined in the back of his throat, trying desperately to get more contact, but Jim wasn't yielding. "You're going to come when I let you, McCoy, and only then. Do you understand?" Jim warned, grabbing Leonard's wandering hands by the wrists and slamming them down, hard, on the mattress. 

Reluctantly, Leonard stopped trying to get more stimulus, but he did purposefully clench tightly around Jim's cock in his ass. He was rewarded with a stuttering, drawn out groan as the captain thrust back in again, hard. Leonard felt his eyes water with unshed tears. 

And finally, finally, there was Jim's hand on his dick, not bothering to tease, instead stroking in hard and fast movements that matched his own punishing pace. 

It took embarrassingly little time for Leonard to come like that, fucked thoroughly. By the time Leonard came down from his high, Jim had stilled and spilled deep inside him. 

They stayed like that for a while, Leonard and Jim, panting hard, sweat mingling with other bodily fluids on the ruined sheets. 

..............

It was only after Jim had cleaned up and left for his next shift that Leonard remembered the documents he had found, and his heart sank again. He didn't have the heart or energy to read through the words again, and he couldn't tell anyone else on the Enterprise about it, either. 

While he didn't know who else he could still trust on the ship, Leonard knew that Spock definitely didn't know about the documents. Even in this universe, where the rules of morality were utterly different from his own, he couldn't imagine Spock serving a Captain who had destroyed his home planet. 

There was nothing he could do but wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehm, I've never actually written smut in a fic, so I hope it wasn't too bad...? The next chapter will deal with the plot again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Leonard makes allies of his own.

For the days that followed, Jim spent his free time in Leonard's CMO quarters, often leaving them with tousled hair and clothes that gave the crew no doubt about what the captain and his CMO did in their free time. 

Leonard had stepped back up to his position as CMO on this Enterprise. The higher-ranking staff of the Sickbay were counterparts of the people he'd known; worked with and even loved - but his experience with the Jim and Spock here had taught him better than to assume that they were the very same people he had known so well. 

On his first day, the very next day after the captain had first left his quarters with untidy clothing and a smile that was at once both threat and satisfaction, one of the nurses had taken one look at him and smirked, "So. This is the... Replacement." 

Replacement? Was that how Jim had introduced and explained his presence to the crew? Leonard wondered what they thought about his sudden appearance; if they knew about the parallel universe from which he'd come from. 

This Leonard couldn't have lacked enemies, either, Leonard mused. He would have to tread carefully here. So far, he knew that Spock or Jim wouldn't readily harm him, but Sulu was still an indefinite element. And Sulu had been one of his trusted colleagues, even a friend in his universe. 

Leonard had had a reputation for being cantankerous and gruff in his own universe, so most of his friends consisted of the bridge crew. If he couldn't even trust them... From Spock's hints, Leonard guessed that his mirrored self hadn't had too clean a reputation either. 

"As CMO, I'm your direct superior." Leonard replied, keeping his voice calm and even. He didn't want to stir up anything on his official first day, but judging from how Jim had treated his crew, being soft wasn't a good idea on this ship either. 

The nurse scoffed lightly, her red lips curled up in an unpleasant smile. "We all know why you really got that position," She said, her penetrating gaze locked on Leonard's body. It gave Leonard the uncomfortable sensation of being undressed by her eyes. 

A flare of anger rose at what the nurse was implying, but Leonard said nothing, instead looking straight into her eyes. 

For a tense moment, silence reigned in Sickbay. Doctors and nursing staff alike stopped in the middle of their work, quietly watching the standoff. Leonard showed no sign of backing off. He knew that he had to reinstate his reputation with the crew, and if he couldn't even handle these people who had once been under him, no one could help him to, even the Captain. 

He'd learnt that this was a universe where the weak died and the strong lived, and for the sake of both himself and Jim, he wasn't going to throw this chance away by dying needlessly here. 

Whatever it was the nurse saw in Leonard's eyes, it made her waver. She was the first to look away, and then down in concession when Leonard's gaze continued to pin on her. 

Satisfied with her submission, Leonard let his gaze roam across the room, landing on each of his staff. "I don't know what you were thinking a moment before, and I don't care. But from now onwards, you will recognize me as your chief medical officer, and show me the befitting respect. I expect good work." He said, his voice still calm and even. 

Most of the staff nodded their heads; it wasn't a complete sign of submission, and in this universe Leonard wasn't going to trust them so easily. The nurse who had spoken up before bowed her head, but not before Leonard saw the cold look that appeared in her eyes. 

It wasn't over; not by a long shot, but it was progress. 

.........

That night, when they lay in bed post-coital, Jim's arms around his waist tight and possessive, the captain told Leonard that he was leaving for a conference among the Empire's starship captains on Keid V. 

He would be leaving with Spock, his First Officer, while the Enterprise stayed in orbit. The planet wasn't the most ideal tourist location in the universe, so the starships' crew were expected to stay on board. 

Leonard stayed silent, knowing that if the crew wanted to do anything about his appointment as CMO, they would do it in the absence of Leonard's only known protector, the Captain. But he said nothing to Jim. 

Judging from the contemplative gleam in Jim's steady blue eyes, Leonard suspected that the Captain wanted him to prove himself anyway. He would get no help from the Captain, and definitely not from Spock, who already doubted his worth as CMO. 

Instead, Leonard intended to make full use of his time with Jim in their private quarters. Leonard had learnt that Jim rarely stayed the night with any of his bed partners onboard the Enterprise. 

Whether it was to convey the clear message that they weren't his permanent partners, or to prevent possible assassination attempts, Leonard didn't know, but he'd place his bets on the former. Jim couldn't have survived this long as captain in this cruel universe without being confident of his abilities. 

But Jim had stayed the night with Leonard a few times now, and the crew had to be whispering about it now. Gossip and news spread like plague, no matter what universe Leonard was in. The difference was that the crew here probably didn't only want to gossip about their Captain and CMO's ongoing relationship. 

Leonard knew that as soon as the captain left, those who still didn't think that he could hold on to the position of CMO would try to get rid of him. Jim's special treatment regarding his sleeping arrangements might have convinced some otherwise, but there were bound to be some who would try. 

And Leonard could guess that they would mostly come from his very own Sickbay; where his death, or 'removal', as Spock would have dubbed it as, would put another of the staff in power directly. 

Jim was starting to frown, those blue eyes growing deep with dark emotion, and Leonard couldn't bear to see that look on his face. Shoving his worries as far into the back of his head as he possibly could, Leonard managed a smile and kissed the side of Jim's mouth. 

It was a chaste kiss; there was no other intention to it other than love - no lust, no anger, no manipulation. Predictably, Jim froze, as he had every other time Leonard had expressed such emotions. 

This Jim was used to hard, rough and loveless fucks against the wall, with little to no preparation and certainly no soft words whispered in his ear and kisses bestowed on every part of his body. 

To him, sex was just another way to manipulate, just another thing to trade, or even to break someone apart and then piece them back together in the cruelest of ways. 

Leonard knew all of that, but the doctor in him wouldn't give up on the foolish notion that he could make Jim understand what love could be. 

So he'd tried easing the notion of chaste kisses into his interactions with Jim in private; a stolen, unheated kiss when they had both come and were still collapsed against each other in exhaustion, a small peck on Jim's cheek as the captain left the quarters for his shift. 

Jim had stopped overreacting to the small shows of affection, but he still visibly froze whenever Leonard did it. This time, Jim recovered quickly, trying to lean forward and capture Leonard's mouth in a heated kiss. 

Leonard sighed inwardly. Jim never understood the point of it; always tried to treat it as a start to another round of fucking. Still, Leonard wasn't refusing any kind of physical contact if the captain was offering. 

It was a start, Leonard told himself. One day Jim would understand. One day. 

..........

The next day Leonard arrived early in Sickbay for the alpha shift. Most of the crew hadn't arrived yet, but Leonard spotted Nurse Chapel walking around, setting up the necessary equipment and getting ready for the day ahead. 

Christine Chapel had been a worthy colleague to have in Leonard's universe - she was smart, had hands steady enough to rival Leonard's own, and was a hard worker. She'd chosen not to be promoted to doctor because she preferred to nurse patients personally, but with her skills, she would have made it high up the ranks. 

More importantly, Leonard thought grimly as he made his way towards her, Christine had been a close friend, one he had always shared his personal sentiments, work or otherwise, with. He hoped that this Christine could be of as much help. 

Noticing Leonard's approach, Christine spun around alertly, the dagger secured by her belt clearly in view. Her expression was a mask, guarded, any personal feelings she might have had obscured from view. 

Leonard raised a placating hand. "Christine. I'm just here to talk." 

The blonde's face didn't soften, but the mask was gone momentarily. Christine tilted her head to the side. Good. She was willing to listen, at least. Leonard knew that he had a few minutes' time to catch her interest before the rest of the staff came in. 

"The Captain's leaving for a conference in a few days," Leonard said slowly, watching Christine's expression closely. The blue-eyed woman's face barely flickered. So she was at least as well informed as he was about the matter. Leonard could use a ear in the right place. 

"The staff's almost certainly going to act once he's gone, aren't they?" Leonard asked, silently challenging the nurse to lie. 

Christine didn't go for the bait. "Yes. They definitely will, sir." She replied evenly, her tone emotionless but respectful. 

Ah, she was smart here, too, Leonard mused, suppressing a fond smile. Now was the time to assert where her loyalty lay. 

"Christine, answer me truthfully." Leonard said seriously, looking hard into her eyes. "Would my removal benefit you?" 

Christine blinked rapidly, and Leonard wondered, with a pinch of regret, whether he'd been too straightforward. But then Christine was answering, her voice firm as steel, "No, sir. I have served under your counterpart for many years before, and would do so again. But M'Benga is a influential doctor, too, and it would make no difference to me." 

Her words were straightforward, leaving Leonard no doubt about what she was thinking. Christine wasn't going to risk her career and life by interfering in this political whirlpool, because she was confident in her abilities and was certain that whichever side won out, they would still want her as part of their staff. 

Of course, this meant that Christine wouldn't enjoy any extra privileges a staff of lesser ability might be given if they supported the right side. But she wouldn't be the Christine a Chapel Leonard knew if she cared much about fame and power. 

He wouldn't be getting any help from this quarter, either, it seemed. Even though Leonard was disappointed, he couldn't help feeling a strange sense of reassurance that Christine would be well, no matter which side won out in the end. 

On an impulse, following the warm sensation in his gut, Leonard leaned downwards and pressed a soft, chaste kiss on the edge of Christine's lips. 

He instantly regretted it when he felt the cold edge of the blunt side of Christine's scalpel pressed against his chest, but Christine only pushed him back. 

When Leonard looked at her quizzically, Christine gave him a wry smile, placing the scalpel back where it belonged. 

"Make full use of your remaining time to secure your relationships with the bridge crew, Doctor. I wish you all the best." 

...........

He'd thought of that, of course, Leonard mused as he walked down the hallway to Sulu's quarters. It wasn't the very best option, nor a very desirable one, but Leonard would have had to make a trip down personally to each of the bridge crew anyway. 

The bridge crew were the top ranking, most essential members upon any starship in the Empire, just as they were in the Federation. If Leonard could secure their support, maintaining his position as CMO would be much easier. 

Of course, especially in this universe, nothing came by for free. These people whose counterparts Leonard had treated as friends would undoubtedly have some conditions in mind. 

Leonard pushed the uneasy feeling in his gut away. If he was going to start, he might as well start with the most difficult member to handle- the pilot of the ISS Enterprise, Lieutenant Sulu. 

From what Leonard had heard, even in his short days since boarding the ISS Enterprise, Sulu was one of the most well informed and dangerous members on board. It didn't help that he had a considerably high position in the ranks, too. And Leonard hadn't forgotten the bunch of flowers he'd received on his first day. 

All of those things just made Sulu all the more important as Leonard's potential ally. At least, Leonard thought darkly, he had the advantage of once knowing the man's counterpart. 

The door to Sulu's quarters slid open almost immediately as soon as Leonard had stepped forward, ready to activate the com system and alert the Lieutenant of his arrival. Raising an eyebrow, Leonard strode forward into the Japanese's quarters. 

As Lieutenant, Sulu's quarters rivaled Leonard's own in terms of quality, space and most other things that mattered. The only difference was that Sulu had specifically installed a small corner of his room to be tailor-made for growing various plants. Where Leonard's quarters smelled of slight medical disinfectant, Sulu's smelled like pollen and leaves. 

When Leonard entered, the pilot was bent over a particular plant, breathing in deeply against the dark red petals. His eyes flickered upwards, a smile in his black eyes. It wasn't an outright unpleasant smile, but it reminded Leonard too much of a cunning fox to make him comfortable. 

"Doctor McCoy. I think I can guess why you're here." Sulu said as a manner of greeting, straightening upright and striding towards his table. 

Leonard followed, sitting down by the table, opting to stay silent, his eyes an oppressive weight on Sulu's every movement. 

The corner of Sulu's mouth turned upwards. "Please, doctor, make yourself comfortable." He reclined back, leaning into his own chair, seemingly depending on Leonard to state his business. 

Leonard was beginning to think that Sulu was the most starkly different member of the Enterprise's crew compared to his own. The Lieutenant Sulu of the USS Enterprise had never been so calculatingly unpleasant with an unwavering smile on his face before.

"The bouquet you gave me," Leonard started, "Was that a personal warning from you?" 

Something flashed across Sulu's eyes, but he hid it quickly. "I'm impressed, but it was just a word of advice. After all, why would I want to hurt you, doctor?" Sulu replied, slanting his gaze at Leonard. 

Leonard understood what he meant. Sulu himself had no reason to remove Leonard, because his removal wouldn't directly benefit the pilot. But if someone wanted Sulu's help to remove Leonard, and could offer something the pilot wanted in return... 

"What do you want, Lieutenant?" Leonard asked, his tone abrupt. He'd never been good at talking around in circles; it'd been a vital contributing factor to his loss of rights to Jocelyn in the divorce. 

Sulu didn't seem offended by Leonard's blunt statement. "What do I want...?" Sulu asked thoughtfully, leaning in, his coolly accessing gaze traveling down Leonard's body. "What does the captain see in you?" The last part was so soft that Leonard barely heard it, but it send cold chills down his spine. 

Bristling almost on reflex, Leonard snarled, "I don't think the captain would like that sentence." 

Across the table, Sulu blinked, and leaned back into his chair. "You misunderstand me." The pilot laughed softly, removing his gaze. "Still, your... Relations with the captain could be useful to me." 

He'd overreacted. Forcibly calming himself down, Leonard thought about what the Lieutenant was hinting at. Perhaps if even Sulu thought that Jim was unusually close to him -the thought brought a warm feeling back to his cold limbs- the rest of the crew wouldn't risk removing him, even with their captain temporarily gone. 

Still, he'd come here for a reason. "What do you want, Lieutenant?" Leonard repeated, looking Sulu right in the eye. 

To his credit, Sulu dropped his cocky smile, his expression turning solemn. "Can I trust you to put in a good word in front of the captain, doctor?" 

Leonard couldn't hide his surprise. He'd expected the pilot to ask for more than that. Maybe he'd really overestimated the threat of removal. 

Another smile crept onto Sulu's face. "Don't think that that's a small favor, doctor. Besides, it only applies if you manage to secure your position, both on the ship and in the captain's heart." The smile turned suggestive. 

Leonard understood. Sulu wouldn't risk giving him any support, but with this, Leonard could be sure that he wouldn't help any vengeful crewmembers threaten him either. 

That was fine. Leonard hadn't been expecting to get too much of an advantage out of the sly fox that Sulu was, anyway. 

"Deal." He said solemnly, holding out a hand. 

The pilot took it, his handshake light and professional. "Deal," Sulu said carelessly, already standing up to show Leonard out. "Just don't forget to keep your end of the bargain!" 

His hands felt cold in Leonard's grasp. 

........

Next was Scotty. The man's counterpart had spent most of his time in Engineering, even when he was off his shifts. It had been his defining quality, this single-minded devotion to his work as chief engineering officer, along with his natural talent for such work. 

Some things never changed, Leonard thought with a warm feeling in his heart as he spotted Scotty tinkering a mechanical part at his desk in Engineering. He'd brought along a bottle bourbon that he had found stuffed in his quarters. It was real, Earth-made product, not like those tasteless replicator food. 

Still, Leonard wasn't foolish enough to let down his guard in front of this Scotty. He hadn't heard any disturbing rumors regarding the chief engineering officer, but this universe's standards of 'disturbing' were vastly different with Leonard's own. 

"Mr Scott." Leonard greeted the man politely as he neared the desk he was working at. 

Scotty looked up, and for the merest second, Leonard glimpsed a hint of surprise, and then disappointment. The engineer quickly composed himself, leaving only a distant politeness in his eyes. 

Scotty's eyes flickered over the bottle of bourbon, pleasure appearing on his face. But that faded quickly too, into a mask of polite distance. "Doctor McCoy. Welcome back." He gestured to a nearby chair, beckoning for Leonard to sit. 

"It's been a while," Scotty continued meaningfully. Leonard managed a small smile, trying not to be agitated. No one would tell him what exactly had happened to his counterpart, and as tempting as it was, Leonard wasn't falling for the bait. 

Instead, he nodded politely at the man. "You too," He replied. 

There it was again, that peculiar look of nostalgia, even restlessness in Scotty's eyes as his gaze almost passed through Leonard. 

What had those rumors on Leonard's Enterprise been about? A certain red-haired wild beauty that Leonard had known since his Academy days... "Where's Gaila?" Leonard asked suddenly, and was satisfied when Scotty's expression changed. 

When Scotty had calmed himself, there was a harsh look on his suddenly pale face. "Listen here, doctor. I don't care if you're the Captain's newest boytoy, but that CMO chair you have now isn't going to be fun to sit on if you play it wrong." His voice was low and cold as the machines that ran the Enterprise. 

So now they were getting to the point. Leonard was tired of playing games. Still, the part of him that still treated the man in front of him as a counterpart of the chief engineering officer that he had known hurt at what they had come to. 

And Leonard had forced him into this. 

Leonard tried his best to push his conflicting thought to the back of his mind. Now wasn't the time to be distracted. "I'm not going to hurt her, Mr Scott." He said, as confidently as he could. "Just tell me what happened."

He instantly knew it was the right thing to say when Scotty's gaze faded in its intensity. In Leonard's universe, Scotty had always been a good friend of Jim's, and a handy drinking buddy. Leonard had guessed that this Scotty and this Jim shared a considerable amount of camaraderie too. He silently let out a breath of relief. 

Discreetly, Scotty scanned the surroundings before continuing in a low voice, hands tinkering with machinery parts as he talked. To anyone nearby, it would have looked as if the chief engineering officer was discussing official matters with the CMO. 

"A week ago, the gang from Security came and took her away. They said it was for some stolen machinery parts, but any idiot would've seen what they were really after, the pevertic fuckers." Scotty muttered lowly. 

Leonard knew what he had to do. "I'll get her out," He said, before he even realized what he was saying. He had no contacts or ties in Security to speak of, and Sulu wasn't going to help him without any more deals which he didn't have anything to trade for. 

Scotty raised his eyes to meet Leonard's, disbelief clear, but didn't say anything. Perhaps he thought that another promise was another chance for Gaila. 

Leonard was going to prove him wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing Leonard saw once he stepped out of Engineering was the dead body of Doctor M'Benga strewn across the floor, body already torn in several places, blood still running in rivulets from the open wounds from vicious cuts of a knife. 

Leonard flinched at the almost senseless violence, his doctor's mind taking in and analyzing the damage unconsciously. The wounds had been dealt swiftly; the cuts deliberately twisted to cause as much agony as possible before the victim died. Leonard wasn't sure without closer examination, but any one of those knife wounds could have killed M'Benga. The fact that the killer hadn't stopped at one spoke of psychological issues. 

And, god, why was Leonard even surprised? 

He heard a soft gasp tear itself from his mouth, and knew that he was settling into shock. He had seen his fair share of dead bodies on the biobeds in his Sickbay, even personally performed an autopsy for some over the years, but this wasn't Sickbay. 

This was a common corridor on the Enterprise, a place where anyone and everyone had casually stepped on and passed through. But now its floor was stained with M'Benga's blood, and gods, Leonard would never be able to look at it without seeing M'Benga's distorted body, and the glassy look in his sightless eyes. 

The sound of a boot clattering against the floor nearly made Leonard jump out of his skin, alarm crawling down his spine, making his hairs stand on end. 

He looked up to see Chekov standing there, in front of him, his expression carefully blank. 

For a moment, all Leonard could feel was a surge of relief and protectiveness. He was terrified, but stepping into the role of shielding someone else was a familiar instinct that overrode even that fear. 

From the moment that Jim had announced him as CMO, Leonard had known that M'Benga would be removed, one way or the other. If M'Benga had been so tightly pinned under someone else's authority, there was no way that protector would let Leonard replace his position so easily, after all their efforts to control the acting CMO. 

And yet Leonard had been appointed CMO, by the direct decree of the Enterprise's Captain, Jim. Without the position as CMO, M'Benga had probably lost his worth in his protector's eyes. 

And Leonard was just beginning to learn what happened to those who outlived their usefulness in this parallel universe. 

Staring at the lifeless body of M'Benga on the ground, and the blood-stained floors, Leonard felt a rising headache. God... He just hoped that this wasn't the first thing Chekov had seen since stepping aboard the Enterprise. 

The thought jarred in his mind like a thorn stuck in his side. That couldn't be right. If the parallel universes' timelines were aligned- and so far, they had yet to surprise Leonard with a new element- then this Chekov couldn't have been on board the Enterprise for any lesser than a year. 

With a sense of growing dread, Leonard raised his eyes to meet Chekov's. 

What he saw there terrified Leonard more than he could say. The Russian's face was carefully blank of emotion, but Leonard had long since learnt that it was the eyes you watched out for, because the people who were skilled enough to shield their eyes were rare, few and far between. Decades of dealing with patients who weren't always entirely honest about their cause of injury and sickness had taught Leonard that much. 

And what Leonard saw in Chekov's eyes was a sick glee, part exhilaration of a kill and part bemusement at whatever it was he thought Leonard would do next. The light dancing in those doe eyes were far from innocent, like Leonard's Chekov would have had. 

Leonard's mind, already struck blank and swimming from the sight of M'Benga's mutilated corpse, suddenly, abruptly, inexplicably, calmed itself down. He felt the warmth return to his body as his mind finally freed itself from its mental lockdown and started turning its gears. 

"Chekov," Leonard finally said, hoarsely, taking in the Russian's gold Federation uniform and the rank it showed. Ensign. So things hadn't changed that much in this universe, either. 

Except, of course, that everything had. Which was why Leonard was here, in this fucked up situation, in front of Chekov, that sweet and pliable kid with a kind heart, trying to say the right thing, because any wrong move could send him to the same messy end that M'Benga had ended up in. 

Chekov's head tilted to his side and upwards, a curious look entering his flickering brown eyes. "Doktor McCoy." He said, and his voice was so normal and familiar, even though Leonard hadn't seen him in months, and still something in Leonard ached to hope, to cling on to the last dregs of possibility that this Chekov hadn't killed M'Benga in cold blood, wasn't as fucked up as the rest of this universe' inhabitants. 

Leonard felt his hands clench into fists by his side, loosening and tightening unconsciously, as though getting ready for a fight. Chekov's eyes were on him, a light but omnipresent gaze, nowhere as burning as Jim's intense blue eyes, but still setting off a light chill underneath Leonard's skin. 

Then with a tired sigh, Leonard let his hands fall limp. A short, despairing gasp tore itself from his throat. What did he think he was going to do? Rush over and grab this Chekov, and shake him until everything he had learnt from decades of living in this universe had been removed from his brain, and magically replace them with the morals and ideals Leonard himself knew to be correct and normal? 

For people here, this was normal; all the cold blooded murders and manipulation, all the blatant threats and more subtle bribes... Leonard couldn't change that just by shaking sense into them. 

But he did know one thing; even if it was to change just Jim's thinking, he would die trying. First, however, he could start by this Chekov. 

The ensign had been watching on in thinly veiled amusement as Leonard had fought with himself, trying to decide on the right course of action. Now, seeing Leonard open his mouth to speak, he bowed his head in a mockery of deference, gazing up at Leonard from under his eyelashes. 

Leonard tried to ignore the gaze Chekov rested on him, which was sliding down his body in a vaguely considering manner. It wasn't sexual, but there was a disturbing appraisal there, like Leonard was one of those knives Chekov favored so much, like he was a weapon Chekov could use. 

"Look, Chekov," Leonard started, "I understand that M'Benga had outlived his usefulness, but-" The words stuck in the back of Leonard's throat, grating. Chekov had to hear how false Leonard's words sounded. 

Chekov's lips curved upwards in a small grin, like he was enjoying Leonard's struggle. "Well, Doktor. I see what they mean, the things they say about you." He said softly, his tone normal, like they were in Leonard's universe and having a casual, typical conversation between friends. 

Leonard had to keep himself from the ugly urge to rip this horrible universe apart at its seams, to destroy everything that had shaped this Chekov into the mocking, cruel teenager in front of him. 

Just then, a sudden commotion from behind Chekov caught Leonard's attention. A lieutenant in blue uniform had crept out from around the corner of the corridor, and was running swiftly towards Chekov, booted feet inhumanely silent across the floor as he lunged for the ensign. Something metallic in his hand caught against the bright starship lighting, setting off a telltale glint. 

Leonard barely had time to shout out his warning before the man was bringing his weapon down against Chekov's unprotected back. With a cry of sheer anger and fear, Leonard pushed Chekov aside with all the force he could muster in his frame. There was no time to think; all Leonard could do was react, and protecting the kid from harm was all Leonard could do. 

Abruptly, Leonard felt a sharp bolt of pain in his shoulder as he tried and failed to move himself out of the murderous lieutenant's way with the momentum of his own push. He gasped out a cry, and managed to stumble a few paces away. Raising trembling fingers to the back of his shoulder, Leonard winced as he felt the endpoint of a switchblade embedded into his skin. 

Thwarted, the lieutenant wasted no time in pulling another replica of his weapon from his belt, moving in again on Chekov. But the ensign was no longer unprepared. Moving like a fast blur to Leonard's eyes, the Russian dodged his assailant's attack easily, sliding just far away enough to bury his own blade into the lieutenant's back. 

Chekov's blade was true to its mark, and the lieutenant cried out in agony as the sharp point impaled his body, until the blade was protruding from the front of his shirt. For a split second, nothing happened, the air thick with the lieutenant's panicked gasps. 

Then Chekov pulled the blade out in a wide, swift motion, detaching it entirely from the lieutenant's body. Leonard noticed, unable to tear his eyes away from the horror, that Chekov intentionally twisted the blade as he drew it out, inflicting as much agony as possible. 

Like he had done with M'Benga. God, Leonard felt sick now, watching the blood fountain from the lieutenant's convulsing body, splattering and staining the already bloody ground. Leonard flinched as drops of the sticky liquid dripped down from his hair onto his face. 

But the lieutenant wasn't done yet. With an agonized howl, the man threw himself into a full-body tackle at Chekov, seemingly determined to take the ensign down with him to a bloody end. 

With a swift slice of his dripping blade, Chekov sliced a long wound across the lieutenant's chest. 

Screaming in pain, the lieutenant shrank away from Chekov as blood began to well up from his open wound, flowing through and staining his shirt, the blood blossoming like a sick parody of a blooming flower. 

Chekov followed him, blade in hand, and Leonard read the intent in his eyes, and opened his mouth desperately. "No!" He cried, trying to stop what he knew would happen next. The Russian barely looked at him, instead pinning the lieutenant against the wall with his blade. 

With two quick motions, it was all over. Two swift movements, and the lieutenant was sliding down to the ground, blood spilling out in relentless pools from his gaping throat and his chest, where the blade rested, buried to its hilt where his heart was. 

Leonard felt a pounding behind his eyes, and the pain in his shoulder, which had been a dulled ache during the confrontation between Chekov and the lieutenant, amplified. 

This was... The senseless violence that had just occurred, the way the lieutenant and Chekov had thrown themselves at each other so easily and without hesitation... They had to have been doing those things all their lives. 

Chekov pulled his blade free from the lieutenant's body. As he did, the lieutenant's body jerked upwards with the motion, and blood spurted again from the open wound. The ensign, nonchalant, moved to step in front of Leonard, and the doctor felt his heart race. 

Chekov's brown eyes were unreadable. "Doktor." He began, his voice strangely bewildered. "You did not have to do zat." 

A strange laughter bubbled itself out of Leonard's mouth. The sound was so dry, so tired, so ragged, that Leonard barely recognized it. "Do what?" Leonard rasped out, eyes not leaving Chekov's. 

Chekov paused, and then his posture changed. In front of Leonard's incredulous, hysterical eyes, the cold-blooded killer became a shy, hesitant teenager. "Ah, Doktor McCoy... I, ah, allow Chekov to first retire to clean himself up." He said, tone strangely abashed. 

Leonard blinked, as confused by Chekov's sudden change of topic as his reference of himself in third person. "... What?" He finally asked, mind completely blank. 

"Well, Doktor..." Chekov said slowly, and there was definitely a lilt to his voice now, a warm tone that made the edges of Leonard's sight go fuzzy. Or maybe that was just the blood loss. 

Leonard knew that he should feel at least a little bit alarmed, by now, but all he felt was a strange aloofness. 

Chekov was looking at him from under his eyelashes again now, except this time, in place of mockery, there was a clear layer of seduction in the ensign's gaze. The doe eyes had widened, and his lips had fallen apart, a silent invitation. 

Leonard felt his blood go cold, and wakefulness struck him like a bucket of cold water. 

"No, no, kid." Leonard heard himself mumble, then try to get up. 

Chekov watched him with wary eyes, prepared for an attack. 

"I don't want anything," Leonard snarled, suddenly sick of this, sick of playing the game by this universe's twisted rules. 

Chekov's eyes showed his clear disbelief, and his lips tightened. "Everybody wants something." He said shortly, and Leonard saw that he had to handle this carefully, or he might end up with more than one wound if he even made it back to his rooms. 

"I... I don't want what you're offering." Leonard tried instead. 

Chekov's frame visibly relaxed; god, it was as if the ensign thought that being extorted for something was easier to handle than being told he owed Leonard nothing. Leonard felt his gut clench up, but he firmly ignored the sensation. 

"So what does the Doktor want?" Chekov asked, and this time his voice was soft with all the promises of what he could do to Leonard's enemies. It made Leonard sick to the bone, but by now even he had realized what a valuable opportunity this could be. 

Chekov might still just be an ensign, but Leonard had seen him fight, and if his skills were anything to go by, Chekov might rise fast through the ranks of the Federation soon enough. And what Leonard needed most right now was support. 

Leonard's mind raced, and still he hesitated. If he did this now, asked for support in exchange for helping Chekov, he would be no different from all the twisted minds on the ISS Enterprise. 

He wouldn't be all that different from the man who had controlled M'Benga, and then ordered for his death. 

"There might be something you can do, Chekov..." 

......... 

Three days later, Leonard reported for duty in Sickbay, after sending off the Captain for his conference. Chapel gave him a slight nod, and the other factions in Sickbay kept their silence. 

On the bridge, Spock gave him a level eye and there was just a touch more of respect in his gaze, Sulu quipped at him no more than he did the other bridge crew, Uhura remained neutral, and Scotty was once again keeping his eye on Gaila, whom Chekov had negotiated with Sulu for freedom. 

Leonard retired to bed, grimly content for the day. He had made his first proper move upon the game board of the ISS Enterprise, and he had won. No one had challenged him outright, but that only signaled the beginning of a million other small ways of vengeance. 

Leonard would have to watch his back from now on.


	8. Chapter 8

The first assassination attempt came in the simple form of Leonard's daily cup of coffee in the Sickbay. 

Leonard would have been fine with making his own trip to the pantry, but Chapel, who had started dropping discreet advice since Leonard's establishment of his own power, had told him that the previous CMO, the lately deceased Doctor M'Benga, had had a specific errant ensign to provide that particular service. 

As his thoughts turned to M'Benga, Leonard's head started to ache. The former CMO's death and the lieutenant's had been reported by a passing ensign hours after Leonard and Chekov had left the scene, but the autopsies had revealed nothing but the cause of death and sufficient information to fill up the death certificates. 

There should have been enough of Chekov's DNA on M'Benga; there had to have been some contact during their scuffle. And the lieutenant had definitely made contact with Chekov during their struggle, and yet the doctor responsible for both autopsies had said nothing. 

Nobody had said anything when Leonard had reported to Sickbay with a wound, albeit concealed by his uniform, on his shoulder, either. 

Leonard wondered if murder was so common an occurrence that it wasn't even punishable by law anymore. And yet there had to be a law; a law that ensured everyone's obedience to the head of the Federation. 

However, just because there hadn't been an official arrest form with Chekov and Leonard's names on it issued didn't mean that no one would be bothering them. The hidden eyes and little birds on the ISS Enterprise were many, and discretion was their forte, and bringing information to their superiors their secondary occupation.

So, here was Leonard, sitting on the right end of an interrogation table in one of Sulu's special rooms, specifically tailored for soundproof sessions that anyone with enough power could buy. 

Of course, any blood stains or dead bodies there would be cleared up quickly by Sulu's crew, afterwards. Just not quickly enough for there to be the deceased and the interrogators' names to be noted down in some database that Sulu had ready access to. It was a drawback to the terror that Security's interrogation rooms instilled on the crew members, but Leonard decided grimly that Sulu wouldn't use any information against him just yet, not while he was still clearly in Jim's favor. 

Leonard just had to keep it that way, and make sure that the rest of the crew knew it too. Besides, the subtle indiscretion that the Security interrogation rooms provided could be useful in teaching the lesson of what Doctor McCoy did to those who crossed him. 

Leonard winced. He was starting to sound and think like the very people he so despised in this universe, and he didn't like it at all. 

But what choice did he have? Jim wasn't going to stand up for him every single time, and if Leonard wanted to keep his position in Jim's heart - or at least in his bed and good graces, as it stood- he needed to show that he could keep his CMO position, with or without the Captain. 

And he wasn't about to give up on Jim. Not now, and not ever. He'd lost the blue-eyed man once, and the result had almost been more than he could bear. Leonard wasn't sure if he could go through it again, and definitely not in this cruel, twisted alternate universe. Jim was the only thing that kept him going, here. 

Leonard pushed his contradictory thoughts away and concentrated on the task at hand. The errant ensign looked uneasy, sitting across Leonard, tugging uselessly at the cuffs around his wrists. 

As he should well be. He had watched as Leonard had personally dipped the indicator into the coffee, and it had turned black with the poison that it had been laced with. 

Leonard could have him executed for mutiny; it was certainly a valid enough offense on the ship. In fact, Leonard could have him executed for anything here, in the privacy of the interrogation room. Sulu probably wouldn't even be surprised. 

"So. Ensign Nicholas Sven." Leonard said, as evenly as he could. He watched as the ensign's head visibly jerked upwards at the sound of his name. 

"You have been brought here under one charge of unlawful poisoning, which we both know that you did commit." Leonard let the room elapse into silence, looking hard at Ensign Sven. 

In response, Ensign Sven gave a shocked, bitter laugh. "'Unlawful poisoning'? Doctor McCoy, you must be one of the rare few who even bother to apply these laws." At Leonard's questioning glance, he continued, "Let's not pretend, now. You could've had me here for anything. And that law, whether it actually exists, or if it's just something you made up a second ago, isn't actually going to cover or justify whatever you do in interrogation next." 

Leonard felt a strange denial rise in him. "It's not like that." He tried to protest. Couldn't this ensign see that he was just trying to do this interrogation the right way? 

Ensign Sven shook his head. "Doctor, Doctor," He sighed, almost mockingly. His tone was certainly disrespectful enough for Leonard to have him punished for double the offense, on this Enterprise. 

"Enough." Leonard did his best to push aside his frustration and concentrated instead on the task he had assigned himself.

"Now, so who put you up to it?" He asked. 

Ensign Sven blinked, and a strange calm entered his eyes. This, Leonard realized, was something he could deal with; something familiar enough that he could stay calm. "Why should I tell you that?" The ensign replied. 

That probably meant that the direct approach wouldn't work, either. 

Leonard's thoughts raced. "Why did you do it, then? Is he or she... Holding someone you care about hostage? I could free them." That last sentence might be a bit of a stretch, but Leonard would honestly try to free any hostages if he had the power or authority to. 

Ensign Sven didn't even blink. Not missing a beat, he returned, "And let these hypothetical hostages fall into your hands so that you can manipulate me?" 

Leonard had the urge to run a hand through his hair. This was frustrating, trying to find a kink in the ensign's mental armor. With effort, he suppressed the urge. Showing weakness, even in the form of irritation, wasn't likely to improve the situation. 

"But what was the original plan? After you'd successfully poisoned me? You should've known that you wouldn't get away so easily. And the Captain is not as pleasant as I am in such matters." Leonard ventured, hoping his lack of experience in the field wouldn't be obvious. 

Ensign Sven seemed to consider the question, gazing off momentarily to the side of the room, thoughtful. "It wouldn't have mattered by then. The crew would've been divided." He finally said. 

A thrill of premonition raced through Leonard's veins. "But why? I'm the CMO, and the Captain's current favorite, but surely all that would've been done was your allies being wiped out." There was something here; Leonard could sense it, a thrumming deep in his very bones. 

Ensign Sven's lips curled into a smile. "Oh, Doctor. Don't act dumb; it's not a good look on someone like you." 

Leonard frowned. "I'm not acting dumb." He explained, looking Ensign Sven right in the eye. "Tell me. Tell me what you mean." 

The ensign shrugged. "Fine. This is about much more than just your death, we both know that." He started, then sighed and continued when Leonard prompted him on. "You die, they'll have an excuse to search your quarters, and they'll finally be able to bring to light whatever it is you've been hiding." 

Leonard's thoughts raced; what had his counterpart been hiding? "But I'm not him," Leonard protested. "How would I know what he did? What he hid?" 

"You have to; they've searched the whole place, left no stone unturned. There's no way anything- or anyone- have escaped their thorough measures, save maybe Captain Kirk himself." Ensign Sven paused. He eyed Leonard carefully. "Why do I get the idea that I'm telling you more than you already knew?" 

But Leonard's mind was spinning now, with information that had completely changed his naive worldview of the situation. He had thrown the proverbial caution to the winds, now. "Tell me- what was it? And who are 'they'?" He urged. 

Ensign Sven's face closed off, abruptly and completely. "You'll have to find that out for yourself, Doctor. I've already said too much." 

Rage surged through Leonard. How could he tease him with so much important facts and then just leave him hanging, right where he needed it the most? "Tell me. Ensign, you have to tell me!" He'd stood up, Leonard realized, towering over the ensign as if he were going to physically wrench the facts from him. 

With the realization, Leonard sagged back into his seat. What was he doing? What had he been about to do? Trying to extract what he needed through force and intimidation would make Leonard no different from the very people whose ways he despised at all. 

An ensign from Security moved from his post at the door, and approached Leonard. "Sir?" He asked hesitantly. "Would you like me to take over?" 

Leonard took a glance at Ensign Sven. The ensign's face had returned to its calm mask. Leonard knew that he would be able to get nothing more from the man with his own interrogations. That opportunity had passed, the ship had sailed. 

"Do what you will," Leonard told the ensign, suddenly very, very tired. 

Before Leonard left the room, Ensign Sven shouted, "They'll find you, Doctor! And then it'll be all over!" Leonard let the words pass, too tired to retort or reply. 

Those would be the last words Leonard ever heard the ensign speak. The next day, Ensign Sven's death certificate would appear on Leonard's table, waiting for his signature and approval. By then, it would be almost too late. 

........

Back in his CMO quarters, Leonard paced around, strangely unsettled. He mulled over Ensign Sven's words, letting his mind slowly filter the new information. 

What did the ensign mean by saying that Leonard's death would cause the crew to become divided? As Leonard had pointed out, surely even his death wouldn't make that much of a commotion. 

And what had his counterpart been hiding, that someone would go to such lengths to find? What could be so important that it could cause a division in the alliances onboard the ISS Enterprise, usually so cordial on the surface? What could make these people forget it all and riot? What common thing could they all sympathize with and act upon with revengeance? 

Who were 'they'? Could they have had something to do with M'Benga's being locked out of his quarters during his time as CMO, so as to prevent him from stumbling upon something he shouldn't in the rooms? And had they thereafter ordered M'Benga's execution, when he had outlived his usefulness? 

There was a thread Leonard could catch onto. Leonard knew that Chekov had killed M'Benga, and yet who could've had the authority and power to tempt or threaten the rising star of the ISS Enterprise to do their bidding? 

Ensign Sven's words rang in Leonard's mind again. 'They' were someone who had, most likely, already searched everyone, save the Captain. It had to be someone extremely high-ranking in the Enterprise's hierarchy. 

A bridge crew member. 

Leonard's blood ran cold. He'd approached almost all of the bridge crew in his bid to secure their support, and now one of them was the very person who was determined to remove Leonard permanently. 

But who was it? Who was it? 

No, that wasn't the right clue. Leonard stopped, midpace. He was right here, in the very quarters where the thing 'they' wanted so badly was hidden. All he had to do was find it. 

As Leonard ransacked through his drawers, a stack of documents suddenly caught his eye. The Proposal for the Destruction of Vulcan. Of course! The destruction of a planet had to be something major, even for the ruthless crew of the ISS Enterprise. 

And yet who would be the most affected by the proposal, if it succeeded? Who could rouse the crew sufficiently enough and get them to side with him, if the proposal was ever revealed? 

As realization dawned on him, Leonard felt a strange paralysis grip him. 

Spock. The person he was thinking of, the most likely culprit, was Spock, the First Officer of the ISS Enterprise himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
